The arts, including art, music and theatre are considered to be important in society. Do you think the arts still have a place amongst our modern lifestyles? Should the arts be included in the school curriculum
Currently
the world Add a comma
Currently,
are
consent about how important Change the verb form
is
creativeness
in society. Replace the word
creativity is
Therefore
, the question of are arts
still have a place in our lifes
and should Correct your spelling
lives
it
be included in Correct pronoun usage
apply
school
Add an article
a school
lesson
.
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
To begin
with, many people still visiting
art Wrong verb form
visit
exhibition
for their personal Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
pleasant
. The Replace the word
pleasure
reasons
people genuinely enjoy going to exhibitions is their Fix the agreement mistake
reason
feels
emotional connection many individuals find personal connections to certain pieces or art Verb problem
apply
stroke
, which can lead to Fix the agreement mistake
strokes
deeper
understanding of the Add an article
a deeper
arts
and themselves. Another reason is to give inspiration for
the creators. Artists often seeking for Change preposition
to
ideas
from their surroundings.
On the other hand
, arts
should be included in the school lessons such
as crafting, music class, and drawing. Crafting and drawing can make students not to
focus Fix the infinitive
apply
in
academic knowledge only but Change preposition
on
forcing
them to be creative for catching Wrong verb form
force
ideas
. Music class can exploring
their soft skills. It can make young people Change the verb form
explore
be exploring
needs
to learn how beautiful Correct subject-verb agreement
need
arts
is and appreciate their own Fix the agreement mistake
art
ideas
.
In conclusion, arts
is
very important and still have Change the verb form
are
place
Add an article
a place
for
our modern lifestyles, Change preposition
in
arts
should be included in school to force students exploring
Change the verb form
to explore
ideas
. Many artists also
finds
their Change the verb form
find
ideas
from some places.Submitted by riani.the2 on
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Introduction
The introduction could more clearly state your position on both questions. Consider consolidating ideas to avoid confusion.
Task Development
Provide more specific examples. For instance, mention a specific art exhibition or class that demonstrates your point.
Language
There are a few grammatical inaccuracies. Review subject-verb agreement, for example: "the world *is* concerned" rather than "are consent."
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay could benefit from more clear transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Consider linking sentences or using transitional phrases.
Structure and Organization
The essay has a clear and beneficial structure with a logical progression of ideas, enhancing the readability.
Task Development
You provided strong reasons such as personal connection and creativity that support the importance of arts.
Task Response
The essay maintains a focus on the question and demonstrates an understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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