IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age to drive cars and motorcycles. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #road #safety #age #drive #cars #motorcycles
Many divergent views exist on how best to enhance highway safety. A great number of
people
, including myself are of the opinion that the ultimate way is by raising the minimum age required to get a driving license. In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
 I will explain the rationale for my viewpoint on the matter.
First,
the primary reason upon which my viewpoint is based
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
; younger
people
 lack the experience and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 skills required to handle
high
Add a hyphen
high-pressure
show examples
pressure
 situations. Drivers are subjected to any sudden stressful situation that might occur on the road; younger
people
 are not mature enough to deal with
such
 obstacles because maturity develops with
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
. Unsurprisingly, a 2020 study conducted by a group of researchers at the University of Cambridge, UK, found that most road accidents occur among young
people
. Another compelling reason for my stance is the impact of peer
pressure
. Younger
people
 are more susceptible to friendship influence which may lead them to
do
Verb problem
engage in
show examples
 risky
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,
such
 as speeding and
distraction
Replace the word
distracting
show examples
while
 driving like using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile phones. Research showed that older
people
 are less likely to be affected by peer
pressure
 and they are more responsible. In conclusion, I hold the opinion that increasing the minimum age for drivers is an essential step in reducing car accidents because younger drivers often lack the knowledge and skills needed to face stressful situations and are more affected by peer
pressure
.
Submitted by hayatauqeer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task response, consider addressing counterarguments or alternative perspectives to showcase a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Ensure transitions between ideas are seamless to further improve coherence and cohesion. This can make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a strong start and finish to the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents well-supported main points with relevant examples, offering a clear and comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure of the essay is maintained, with each paragraph focusing on a separate reason for your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: