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Band 8

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually band changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

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Change
 is an integral part of life. Changes in the structure of family and member’s roles are inevitable in the
last
 few years.
This
 shift in the structure and roles can lead to some consequences. I think some of them are negative, some others are positive. On one hand, wives’ roles in the family have changed reasonably substantially and have been the most prominent
change
 . A woman’s journey from being a housewife to a businesswoman happens to be a reality because of her shift in
role
.
For example
, in the past, the wife’s
role
 was to care for their babies and house chores. But nowadays they have altered their
role
 from housewife to breadwinner. It is no longer just only mother’s duty to take care of their offspring. More and more fathers can be seen to look after their children. And it is an indisputable fact that it is a beneficial
change
. On its darker side, the nuclear family is taking the place of the extended family. The privacy of the joint family is fading away.
As a result
, children in nuclear families are deprived of their grandparent’s love
while
 the elderly people feel isolated and neglected. The transformation from a joint family to a nuclear family is not a positive transformation. By way of conclusion. I once again reaffirm my position that structural and contribution alterations come with benefits and drawbacks.
However
, the
change
 in the
role
 of wives has the most significant positive impact on women’s lives.
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

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Structure
Consider organizing your essay into clearer paragraphs to enhance readability. Each paragraph could be dedicated to a specific aspect of the changes in family structure and roles, allowing for a more structured flow of ideas.
Content
You could enrich your essay by incorporating a wider range of examples and evidences. This would strengthen your argument, allowing for a deeper exploration of the topics discussed.
Language
To further improve, try varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary. This not only demonstrates a higher level of language proficiency but also makes your writing more engaging and expressive.
Content
You have provided a well-balanced discussion on the changes in family structures and roles, addressing both positive and negative aspects effectively. This is commendable as it reflects a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively setting up your essay's topic and summarizing your views. This provides a strong framework for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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