IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter * Describe the situation * Explain your problems and why it is difficult to work * Say what kind of accommodation you would prefer.

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am Sakshi Kansara, and I am currently living in
girl’s
Correct article usage
a girl’s
show examples
 dorm in
room
Use synonyms
 number 302. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to you as I am experiencing some difficulties with my roommate, and I request you
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
change my dorm
room
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible.
Firstly
Linking Words
, my roommate is a loud personality and an extrovert.
Therefore
Linking Words
, she keeps inviting her friends for night
stay
Fix the agreement mistake
stays
show examples
 and parties, which is not acceptable to me as it disturbs my sleep cycle.
Secondly
Linking Words
, she has a habit of smoking, which is non-negotiable for me to accept, as I have a severe breathing problem.
Hence
Linking Words
, I would like to switch my dorm
room
Use synonyms
 to private, as I am an
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
 person, and the exams are approaching so I would like to settle down in a quiet place. I will pay the price difference once I get the
room
Use synonyms
. Thank you so much for your consideration and looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Sakshi

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task achievement
Try to provide a little more context or detail about how the noise and smoking specifically affect your ability to study. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider breaking your letter into clearer paragraphs to enhance readability, particularly separating your description of the issues from your preferred accommodation.
suitable writing tone
You maintained a polite and formal tone throughout the letter, which is suitable for the context.
complete response
Your request was clear, specifying the type of accommodation you prefer, which shows that you have thought about a solution.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • accommodation officer
  • roommate
  • share a room
  • living arrangement
  • difficult to work
  • noise levels
  • study environment
  • privacy concerns
  • alternative accommodation
  • single room
  • academic performance
  • well-being
  • respectfully request
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