Many children today spend a lot of time on social media which hurts their grades. what is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this?

It is considered that most of the
children
are attaining low marks
due to
excessive usage of social
media
.
This
essay will discuss the major cause of
this
problem
as well as
some possible solutions. To commence with,
children
are gaining Low grades because of the connections with their friends and families on social
media
like
on
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apply
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Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp
however
they like to share photos ,and videos with each other
while
they spend more than enough
time
on social
media
without knowing that it is the waste of
time
additionally
, they start to spend their study
time
to chitchat with their schoolfellows.The second important cause of
this
problem is the addiction to online
games
for example
PUBG, the famous online game played by
the
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apply
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adults, in one research it has been shown that many adults have committed suicide
due to
this
game.
This
is because, in online
games
,
children
can talk to each
other that's
Correct pronoun usage
other's
show examples
they focus less on
a
Change the word
their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
leads to lower
their
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apply
show examples
grades. Moving towards the solution of
this
problem, the first possible solution is parental control , parents should have strong control
on
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over
show examples
their
children
so that they can teach them both the benefits and flaws of technology so they should create
time
limits for chatting with friends.
second
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the second
a second
show examples
solution is that the government should focus on
the
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apply
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access
of
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to
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the internet.
hence
government should pay attention to who can access the websites and they should
also
ban specific online
games
.
For instance
, in one study it has been shown that in the USA,
around
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apply
show examples
about 60% of
games
are not accessible to school-going
children
.
To sum up
, social
media
have both advantages and disadvantages
hence
sometimes problems overweight the benefits so the excessive use of social
media
leads
children
to lower their grades.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view with additional examples of social media's impact on children, not just limiting to games or keeping in touch with friends.
Coherence and Cohesion
Add more clear topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to guide the reader on what the focus will be.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be consistent with your sentence structure to enhance clarity, ensuring each has a clear subject and verb to avoid potential confusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding the flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You've provided specific examples, such as mentioning Facebook, Instagram, and popular games like PUBG, which show you've thought about concrete reasons for and solutions to the issue.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addictive design
  • Infinite scrolling
  • Personalized content feeds
  • Peer pressure
  • Social validation
  • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • Parental supervision
  • Digital literacy programs
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Conscious regulation
  • Academic impact
  • Engagement
  • Social media usage
  • Online presence
What to do next:
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