In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Hard
work
is the key to success. To achieve anything you have to consider discipline etc other than hard work
. In some cultures, children
are taught that they can get anything if they work
hard for it. It has some benefits and drawbacks. The benefit of delivering this
message to children
is that they become independent and the drawback is that they become arrogant.
To begin
with, the benefit that children
will get is that they become İndependent. They do not rely on anyone
. They do not find any loopholes because they know that they just have to work
hard if they want to achieve anything. They come to know that these shortcuts
will not help them in any way. For instance
, my brother was always fond of shortcuts
. He does not work
hard. One day, my father told him that if you wanted to come first in your class you have to work
hard. There are no shortcuts
for coming first in the class. From that day, he started to work
hard leave those shortcuts
and become independent.
The drawback that children
face is that they become arrogant and think that they do not need anyone
to help them. They do not trust anyone
and in the end, they badly fail. For illustration, my friend was very hard working and he was very proud of it. He always thought that he did not need anyone
. He does not treat anyone
well and one day because of his arrogance he fails badly.
In addition
, children
become irresponsible because they know what they will do and in this
misconception, they fail.
In conclusion, the benefit of this
is that children
become independent , however
, it has a drawback that they become arrogant. Therefore
, children
should be taught things also
other than hard work
like discipline, down-to-earth etcSubmitted by sajeehulzamans on
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task achievement
Your essay responds to the task and provides a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages. Nonetheless, aim for more clarity and elaboration in your main points to enhance the effectiveness of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph expands on a single clear idea. In the paragraph about drawbacks, the ideas about arrogance and irresponsibility feel somewhat disjointed.
task achievement
Strengthen your examples to ensure they directly support your main points. The examples provided are useful but could be more detailed to better illustrate your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly outlining the key points you plan to discuss in the body paragraphs. This will provide a better roadmap for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Avoid generalizing by adding more logical connectors to show the relationships between sentences and paragraphs. This revision will enhance the overall flow of your essay.
introduction
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and shows your understanding of the prompt. This is a strong start to your essay.
supported main points
The personal examples you have given are effective in making your points relatable and tangible to the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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