The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
In
this
rapidly evolving world, marked by numerous changes and advancements, there is a prevailing belief that schools should introduce physical education in the curriculum to deal with a concern of increasing obesity among people which has become a strain on medical care centres. I strongly support this
notion and an
ensuing paragraphs will scrutinize my viewpoints.
Analyzing the statement, the first and foremost reason Correct article usage
the
of
adding Change preposition
for
this
subject into students
regular curriculum Change noun form
students'
student's
helps
to aware them Verb problem
is
regarding
the spread of several health issues and how to prevent them from Change preposition
of
those disease
. Change the determiner
that disease
those diseases
Additionally
, it would also
assists
in promoting a healthy lifestyle and diet to follow which not only Change the verb form
assist
help
them to stay fit but Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
also
improves their performance in every fields
.
Probing ahead, Change to a singular noun
field
familiarizing
them with good health Correct word choice
and familiarizing
in
an early age would make them fitness Change preposition
at
freak
and active in their careers. Fix the agreement mistake
freaks
Moreover
, an
environment of schools Correct article usage
the
are
quite different and forceful Change the verb form
is
where
they might find it easy to acquire knowledge about meaningful things. Correct word choice
and
Also
, several fitness activities are quite interesting which would help them to engage more and simultaneously they would feel relax
after putting great mind pressure on other main subjects Wrong verb form
relaxed
such
as Maths, science, and english
.
In conclusion, one can reach a gist that providing necessary information to children in school is quite useful because of learning environment of educational institutions Change the capitalization
English
have
innovative ideas to develop their interest towards useful things.Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, include more specific examples or evidence that support your argument. This will strengthen your position and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph follows a clear and logical sequence. Try to connect your ideas more smoothly from one paragraph to the next to improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue with a strong introduction, clearly indicating support for the idea of introducing more physical education in schools.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which provides a clear framework for your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.