IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people feel that equality between the genders has already been achieved while others feel there is considerable progress to be made. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #equality #genders #progress
It is considered by some people that
women
 are regarded as
equally
Change the word
equal
show examples
 with men, whilst other people think
this
 subject has not been achieved yet.
Although
 these days
women
 have more opportunities and respect,
women
 are still disadvantaged in some cultures and societies. It is undeniable that
women
 gain more freedom in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 with the past. The most significant indication for
this
 is having
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to vote, they can
also
 be as a candidate or even making an election.
Furthermore
, In the past
women
 were not allowed to have a qualification and receive education and must be an uneducated person for her entire life. For another example, they should obey their father, brother, or husband and they
behaved
Wrong verb form
behave
show examples
 with them like a slave.
Also
, in some societies
such
 as Arab culture, if they found that their newborn baby was a girl, the infant would be buried alive.
As a result
, nowadays
women
 are more free to live in whatever way that they want, which means they can live in their own personal desire way without being criticized.
On the other hand
, some rights activists and feminists believe that many vacancies and problems
are exist
Change the verb form
exist
show examples
 in every society to reach
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
factual equality.
For instance
, some female football players have faith
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that their salary or weekly wage must be equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 male players
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they
are in
Verb problem
apply
show examples
believe that they are working in the same field and they have similar duties.
As a consequence
, the
women
’s portion
part
Add a missing verb
is part
show examples
 of society and activists try to bring more rights for
women
 and improve equality. To sum it up,
while
women
 are struggling with those issues, it seems gender equality has not been achieved and
due to
this
 reason, it is necessary for every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 to work on it.
Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, consider using more specific examples, data, or references to support your arguments. This will increase the reliability and strength of your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and the ideas in the paragraph should clearly flow from this sentence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear context for the essay by presenting both viewpoints on gender equality.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the main areas where progress has been made and where further work is needed concerning gender equality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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