Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
While
it is widely debated that the
governments have the right to Correct article usage
apply
access
personal phone calls and messages
of their citizens due to
safety, others argue that such
data must not disclose
to the authorities Wrong verb form
be disclosed
along with
retrieving it without consent. Both points of view and reasons why I believe that the compliance between security concerns from the government
and permission from the owner can this
claim will be discussed further
in this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible that many people
to dissatisfied with the access
of
personal contact Change preposition
to
datas
from the Correct your spelling
data
government
. This
is possibly because this
might create the
sense of discomfort or Correct article usage
a
imprison
as they will be monitored Replace the word
imprisonment
their
communicative activities. Many Change preposition
in their
people
worried that their private information might being
exposed if the Change the verb form
be
government
access
Correct subject-verb agreement
accesses
to
their personal Change preposition
apply
datas
and Correct your spelling
data
did
not have proper security systems to keep it.
Wrong verb form
does
However
, many opponents of this
idea might opposed
that the disclosure of private Change the verb form
oppose
be opposed
informations
like calls and Change the wording
information
pieces of information
messages
can somewhat benefit in case of legal proof. As calls and messages
now become major communication means some people
might use it for bad intentions. Take NTR
chat room, Correct article usage
the NTR
for example
; it is an anonymous group chat where they sent
Wrong verb form
send
sexual
explicit Change the word
sexually
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
of
children and Change preposition
to
drunked
women for Correct your spelling
drunken
drunk
sells
. If the Replace the word
sale
government
unable to track Add a verb
government is
government was
such
messages
, they could never punish these violaters in jail and the victim might never gain their
justice.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, I personally think that the compliance between the two must be complied in
order to allow the Change preposition
with in
government
to protect their people
without violate
personal. Any Change the verb form
violating
access
must have permission from the user such
as written
form or online request as Correct article usage
a written
a
it can be Remove the article
apply
a legal documents
of consent.
In summary, Correct the article-noun agreement
a legal document
legal documents
although
it is undeniable that the
Correct article usage
apply
access
of
personal information from the authorities could create Change preposition
to
discomfortness
for Correct your spelling
discomforts
discomfort ness
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
especially
privacy, I am of the Add the comma(s)
, especially
opnion
that there is some benefit in the security aspect Correct your spelling
opinion
such
as the detection of illegal sales of sexual explicits
contents. If the Correct your spelling
explicit
government
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and link sentences effectively to improve coherence. Some sentences seem detached from the main point, causing a bit of confusion.
task achievement
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to express ideas more clearly. Avoid awkward phrasing and strive for linguistic precision to ensure the reader understands your argument thoroughly.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant specific examples, like the reference to the NTR chat room, which effectively illustrate the point regarding the need for government access for legal reasons.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well. There's a noticeable attempt to discuss both sides of the argument impartially.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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