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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009. Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009. Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the main means of transport for
people
Use synonyms
 commuting to one
university
Use synonyms
 from 2004 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 travelling to one
university
Use synonyms
 by friendly-eco transportations involving bicycle,
bus
Use synonyms
, train, and walking was more popular
while
Linking Words
 that figure for cars was less popular over the period shown. Remarkably, the
bus
Use synonyms
 became by far the most popular method of transport. Looking at the information in more detail, we can see in 2004, there was a half of
people
Use synonyms
 going to a
university
Use synonyms
 by car, and 33% by
bus
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
, only 16% of the total went to their
university
Use synonyms
 by train, walking, and bicycle, at 3%, 4%, and 9%, respectively.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 travelling by
bus
Use synonyms
 to their
university
Use synonyms
 increased significantly to almost half ( 46%) which was the highest figure, those who travelling by bicycle grew nearly two times to 16%, and
people
Use synonyms
 went to a
university
Use synonyms
 by train and walking witnessed a slight increase, at 4% and 6%, respectively.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the figure for
people
Use synonyms
 who drove cars to a
university
Use synonyms
 reduced to about a quarter of the total (28%)

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, university, bus with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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