IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Along with
 good education , being a good
member
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
asociety
Correct your spelling
society
a society
 is
also
 important for a person . Which
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to be taught in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood in order to achieve that.
School
 is one of the best
place
Change to a plural noun
places
show examples
 to teach
this
 to the
children
 .
Children
goes
Change the verb form
go
show examples
 to
school
 with
mindset
Add an article
the mindset
show examples
 of learning new things .
Along with
friends
Add a comma
friends,
show examples
 a child will learn
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
faster and
also
 encourage other students
for becoming
Change preposition
to become
show examples
 a good
member
 of
society
 . Some
parents
 are very busy to teach their kids about social manners . After
school
 ,
children
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their time at home with their
parents
 .
Parents
 can teach that no one can teach to their
children
 .
Parents
 can teach their kids about becoming good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of
society
 by giving them examples of some defaulters that are regretting now
due to
 bad impression in
society
 . If the environment of
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 is good
then
 a child can learn good manners from their
parents
 in order to become a good
member
 of
society
.
Overall
 , both
school
 and
parents
 play a great role in the development of good character and social morals in their child . So, at
last
Add a comma
last,
show examples
 both
school
 and
parents
Correct your spelling
are plays
areplays
Correct your spelling
play
 major role in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of good
charcter
Correct your spelling
character
 in kids
Submitted by poonam.tushir0099 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure your essay follows a clear structure with distinct paragraphs addressing the different points of view, and then presenting your own opinion clearly in a separate paragraph.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. This could involve mentioning specific social skills taught at school or giving real-life examples from family life that contribute to being a good member of society.
coherence cohesion
Improve your introduction by clearly outlining the topic and stating which perspective you will discuss or favor, creating a guiding path for the reader.
task achievement
Clarify your main points by elaborating them more. Instead of saying parents are busy, explain the impact of this and propose solutions or alternatives when parents cannot fulfill this role.
task achievement
You have shown understanding of the importance of both school and parents in the development of social morals.
task achievement
Your writing indicates a thoughtful consideration of both perspectives, which is good for task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay concludes with an overall reflection on both roles, which connects well to the question posed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
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