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Band 6

We cannot help everyone in the world who needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
It is widely believed that it is impossible to help everyone who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 in need on an international scale.
Therefore
,
people
 should concentrate on solving the problems of their own communities and nations. From my point of view, I partly agree with
this
 statement. On the one hand, there are many reasons to support
people
 around the globe. The first is the humanitarian spirit. When catching
people
 who are in need, no matter where they live, we should take action to help them, regardless of the geographical distances or cultural differences.
Second,
the act of international assistance ventilates the solidarity among countries.
For example
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, countries mutually shared experience in creating vaccines and distributing them to nations having
people
 infected by the disease.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 underlying factors attributing to the idea of solely solving domestic issues. The limitation of resources is one of the main reasons. In fact, tackling global problems demands a large amount of finance, time and human resources.
Therefore
, it may be a challenge for poor countries because
this
 is out of their capability.
As a result
,
instead
 of spreading resources to help
people
 in the world, it would be more effective to focus on solving issues in their national scope. In conclusion,
although
 humanitarian spirit and international solidarity make great reasons for individuals and governments to assist foreigners, resource limitations form an aspect that must be seriously considered.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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accuracy
Ensure that the language is consistently accurate, avoiding errors like 'who are in need' which should be 'who is in need'. Minor inaccuracies can sometimes affect understanding, even if they don't greatly impact the score.
expansion
Consider exploring counterarguments or wider implications further to deepen the task response. Discussing potential drawbacks or limitations of the opposing viewpoint could enhance your analysis.
structure
Your essay maintains a clear and logical structure, helping readers follow your argument effectively.
content
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, giving a comprehensive view of your stance on the topic.
examples
You provided relevant examples, particularly the point about international vaccine cooperation during the COVID-19 pandemic, which effectively supports your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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