IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table above provides data on the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of telephones sold in millions in the span of 7 years across multiple mobile phone brands. After a thorough analysis, there are a few generally identifiable trends. Nokia were the top
sellers
Fix the agreement mistake
seller
show examples
 of the period and
only
Verb problem
was only
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
beaten by Samsung in 2012. Apple has by far
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 selling stats yet
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they made a comeback in 2012. From a decreasing point of view, there are brands
such
Linking Words
 as Motorola and Ericssons which showcase clear reductions in
sales
Use synonyms
. Motorola began at 210
million
Use synonyms
 before steadily decreasing to 28
million
Use synonyms
. Ericsson had a positive starting point by going up from 117 to 154
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
, but suffered the same fate as Motorola and went down to 28
million
Use synonyms
 by 2012. Nokia had a variable
sales
Use synonyms
 trend, keeping their numbers higher than 400
million
Use synonyms
 for a majority of the period, but eventually ending up a little less than what they started with
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 345 to 335
millions
Check wording
million
show examples
. Contrary to the past statistics, Apple and Samsung showed visible growth during the period. Samsung started at 117
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 and ended up with almost quadruple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the past amount at 396.5
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
. Apple
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand, had a rough start
starting
Punctuation problem
, starting
show examples
 later than the competition and slowly going up from a measly 2.3 to 135.8
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual sales
  • fluctuations
  • market saturation
  • technological advancements
  • consumer trends
  • brand dominance
  • growth trajectory
  • market share
  • innovations
  • peak sales
  • decline
  • stagnate
  • proliferate
  • exponential growth
  • market dynamics
  • forecast
What to do next:
Look at other essays: