IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the number of mobile phones sold in millions for a period of six years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
Linking Words
 table illustrates the number of mobile phones from different companies sold throughout the period of six years, from 2006 to 2012. The first key feature shows that brands
as
Change preposition
such as
show examples
 Nokia and Samsung had the biggest
sales
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 period of six years, compared to the other brands. The numbers for Nokia have a similar pattern, remaining constantly up, starting from 2006 with 345
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 of mobile phones,
then
Linking Words
 continuing in 2010 with 463
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 and back to 335
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012. For Samsung, their biggest sale
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 observed
being held
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in 2012, with 396.5
million
Use synonyms
 phones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Ericsson and Apple followed a slightly similar trend with the lowest
sales
Use synonyms
. For Ericsson it is
seen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a decrease
by near
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 a
third,
Linking Words
from 74
million
Use synonyms
 in 2006 to 28
million
Use synonyms
 in 2012. As to Apple, their
sales
Use synonyms
 started in 2007 with 2.3
million
Use synonyms
 telephones sold, increasing to 135.8
million
Use synonyms
 by 2012. For
Motorola
Punctuation problem
Motorola,
show examples
 the numbers have dipped from 210
million
Use synonyms
 to only 28
million
Use synonyms
, highlighting a downward pattern.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest number of
sales
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 concentrated for Nokia and Samsung, both following a stable pattern,
while
Linking Words
 the others show a lower feature.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual sales
  • fluctuations
  • market saturation
  • technological advancements
  • consumer trends
  • brand dominance
  • growth trajectory
  • market share
  • innovations
  • peak sales
  • decline
  • stagnate
  • proliferate
  • exponential growth
  • market dynamics
  • forecast
What to do next:
Look at other essays: