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Writing Samples
Band 7

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, a mammoth amount of
stress
Use synonyms
 has been on teenagers in order to achieve their educational targets.
This
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 has opened up an idea for a chunk of individuals that
subjects
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 with practical lessons should be removed whilst others are sceptical about it. I;
however
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, strongly believe that the practical related
subjects
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 are extremely crucial to be added to the
school
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 syllabus for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, normally it is generally acknowledged that when a student tends to study a non-academic subject in
school
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 when he or she is giving her best in their academic
subjects
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, the practical sessions would lead the student to a whole other world by reducing the
stress
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 levels and balancing the cells of brain
accordingly
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.
For instance
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, there was one of my schoolmates, who was the most studious one in the bunch
as well as
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 the front line in the cookery session as well. Once he was asked why he loved going to the cookery session it was noticed his educational skills were more and more developed by
giving
Verb problem
taking
show examples
 a break for a
while
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 and studying again.
Secondly
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, I would like to mention the students who are enable to bear the pressure which the academic
subjects
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 put on them. What will the government or any of the leadership do if a student can not handle the
stress
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 and the convoluted situation they were put in by the education system? There is ample evidence regarding the cases of suicides and depression
due to
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 the
stress
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 of education systems. What if we can provide more non-academic
subjects
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 to students and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
choose whatever they prefer to work on in future as well? In my opinion,
this
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 will lead to a better education system with more opportunities for an individual who does not like to study a lot.
Furthermore
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, giving more chances to learn non-academic
subjects
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 will open up a wide range of career pathways, when they leave the
school
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 as well. in conclusion, I strongly believe that non-academic
subjects
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 should be in the
school
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 syllabus.
Otherwise
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, a syllabus with no non-academic subject or physical activity that generation will produce just human robots with no creativity.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, focus on linking words and phrases that smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs together.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are specific and directly support the argument being made.
task achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument briefly to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Effective use of a real-life example to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Good effort in creating a balanced essay structure with clear separation of ideas into paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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