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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people say that globalisation and the growing number of multinational companies have a negative effect on the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #globalisation #companies #effect #environment
Globalisation
 has become the top priority for most countries in order to become wealthy. It is believed by the masses that
this
 increasing trend has left devastating effects on nature.
According to
 me,
Although
globalisation
 brought some changes , environmental loss is
non negotiable
Add a hyphen
non-negotiable
show examples
. On one hand ,
Increasing
Correct article usage
the Increasing
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 setup of industries leads to deforestation , endangers the habitat of wildlife and leaves detrimental effects on both fauna and flora. To elaborate,
According to
 recent data, In a decade logging
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased twice in order to meet
requisite
Correct article usage
the requisite
show examples
 demands of industrialisation and more than 50,000 species have become extinct each year including koalas, Spix Macaw and many more.
Also
, industrialisation is contaminating water and air ,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent study has shown that asthma and
kidney related
Add a hyphen
kidney-related
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 issues have increased
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 between 2019 and 2024.
On the other hand
, Even though
globalisation
 has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact, it brought some positive changes too.
Firstly
, It generated more job opportunities,
for example
 , in order to lock a deal or to communicate with other countries ,several interpreters with good communication skills are required .
Secondly
, Not only it
created
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 job opportunities, but
also
 ameliorated their lives,
For instance
 , all different types of industries
requisite
Replace the word
require
show examples
different skills , which can make them financially independent. In conclusion, Despite the fact that
globalisation
 has launched
sophisticated
Correct article usage
a sophisticated
show examples
 world, it is important to prioritise the environment vigorously. So, it is important to take care to care of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and the wildlife animals. Without
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
human
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
show examples
 is nothing.
Submitted by sumanpreetkaur24042001 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are more clearly linked together, and develop them with more detailed examples or supporting evidence.
task achievement
Strengthen your task response by maintaining a balanced discussion of positive and negative impacts throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your discussion around globalization’s impact.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant examples, showing awareness of important issues related to globalization and the environment.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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