Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

#obesity #pandemic #world’s #population #people #risk #health #reason #growth #society

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It is true that The proportion of

people

who

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

overweight which

caused

Add a missing verb

is caused

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mordern dietery

Correct your spelling

modern dietary

habits

increase

Wrong verb form

has increased

show examples

these days.

While

this

is a serious problem It can be solved by arranging the

food

uptake tendency. Obviously, The main cause of obesity is over-eating.

It s

Correct your spelling

It's

clear that there are too many

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

and types of

food

according to

development

Fix the agreement mistake

developments

show examples

technology

Add an article

the technology

show examples

food

sciences.

For example

, Not only the improvement of

manufacture

Replace the word

manufacturing

show examples

industries which rely on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

automatic producing and allow us to make more number of foods

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

growing the

Agricalture

Correct your spelling

Agriculture

science field making more grain corns and

potatos

Correct your spelling

potatoes

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

Additionally

, The consumption of junk

food

, like

hamburger

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hamburgers

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, pizza, and deep-fried foods which

decride

Wrong verb form

are described

show examples

as low quality but high calories,

grow

Correct subject-verb agreement

grows

show examples

This

tendency of

food

uptake is likely to grow the

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

peoples which have

risk

Add an article

the risk

a risk

show examples

of chronic diseases,

such

cardia

Correct your spelling

cardiac

show examples

disease and

diabetic

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diabetes

show examples

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

there are

aolutions

Correct your spelling

solutions

this

problem. One of the ways to regulate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

food

uptake by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public education about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

table manners.

People

who watch

the

Change the word

their

show examples

mobile

device

Fix the agreement mistake

devices

show examples

while

eating tend to eat more than others. because they do not realise how much they are eating. The other solution is

set

Fix the infinitive

to set

show examples

the cap for

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

food

, For

istance

Correct your spelling

instance

, vegetables, fruits and eggs, which are important

source

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sources

show examples

vitamine

Correct your spelling

vitamin

and vital energy. It can be seen that

people

are likely to choose a

cheeper

Correct your spelling

cheaper

and

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apply

show examples

easiler

Correct your spelling

easier

way to have

meal

Add an article

a meal

show examples

. for that reason, to grow

a healthier diet habits

Correct the article-noun agreement

a healthier diet habit

healthier diet habits

show examples

, must set

maximun

Correct your spelling

maximum

prices for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

essential energy sources.

To sum up

It is evident that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

over-eating

incressed

Correct your spelling

increased

increase

the rates of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

who are

over-weight

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

and

moe

Correct your spelling

show examples

disadvantages

Wrong verb form

disadvantaged

show examples

getting lifestyle

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

This

must bring a result of a higher fee to maintain the medical systems.

nevertheless

Thissue

Correct your spelling

this issue

can be solved by social fundamental education about diet and regulating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

food

prices.

Submitted by yhj000801 on Wed Oct 09 2024

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task achievement

Try to expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to clearly illustrate the causes of obesity. This will enhance your task achievement score.

coherence cohesion

Improve the clarity of your ideas by organizing them in a more logical structure. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly.

task achievement

Avoid common spelling and grammar mistakes. Consider revising sentences with errors to improve readability.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear setup and summary of your ideas.

task achievement

You identified key causes and solutions for obesity, showing an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
51
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

313 words

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Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today’s teenagers struggle with many social issues. Some people think that is because their parents are spending more time at work than at home. Do you agree or disagree?

The internet provides us with information about life and cultures of different countries and some people say it is not necessary to visit these countries to learn about them. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

In some countries, students live at home with their family while they study at university, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do the advantages of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people use social media on regular basis in order to keep in touch with the news and with other people.Do you think that the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?