Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?
It is true that The proportion of
people
who is
overweight which Correct subject-verb agreement
are
caused
by Add a missing verb
is caused
the
Correct article usage
apply
mordern dietery
habits Correct your spelling
modern dietary
increase
these days. Wrong verb form
has increased
While
this
is a serious problem It can be solved by arranging the food
uptake tendency.
Obviously, The main cause of obesity is over-eating. It s
clear that there are too many Correct your spelling
It's
amount
and types of Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
food
, according to
development
in Fix the agreement mistake
developments
technology
of Add an article
the technology
food
sciences. For example
, Not only the improvement of manufacture
industries which rely on Replace the word
manufacturing
the
automatic producing and allow us to make more number of foodsCorrect article usage
apply
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
growing the Agricalture
science field making more grain corns and Correct your spelling
Agriculture
potatos
Correct your spelling
potatoes
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
Additionally
, The consumption of junk food
, like hamburger
, pizza, and deep-fried foods which Fix the agreement mistake
hamburgers
decride
as low quality but high calories, Wrong verb form
are described
grow
. Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
This
tendency of food
uptake is likely to grow the obesity
peoples which have Replace the word
obese
risk
of chronic diseases, Add an article
the risk
a risk
such
as cardia
disease and Correct your spelling
cardiac
diabetic
.
Replace the word
diabetes
However
there are Add a comma
However,
aolutions
to Correct your spelling
solutions
this
problem. One of the ways to regulate the
Correct article usage
apply
food
uptake by the
public education about Correct article usage
apply
the
table manners. Correct article usage
apply
People
who watch the
mobile Change the word
their
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
while
eating tend to eat more than others. because they do not realise how much they are eating. The other solution is set
the cap for Fix the infinitive
to set
health
Replace the word
healthy
food
, For istance
, vegetables, fruits and eggs, which are important Correct your spelling
instance
source
of Fix the agreement mistake
sources
vitamine
and vital energy. It can be seen that Correct your spelling
vitamin
people
are likely to choose a cheeper
and Correct your spelling
cheaper
a
Correct article usage
apply
easiler
way to have Correct your spelling
easier
meal
. for that reason, to grow Add an article
a meal
a healthier diet habits
, must set Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthier diet habit
healthier diet habits
maximun
prices for Correct your spelling
maximum
the
essential energy sources.
Correct article usage
apply
To sum up
It is evident that the
over-eating Correct article usage
apply
incressed
the rates of Correct your spelling
increased
increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
who are over-weight
and Correct your spelling
overweight
moe
Correct your spelling
more
disadvantages
getting lifestyle Wrong verb form
disadvantaged
disease
. Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
This
must bring a result of a higher fee to maintain the medical systems.
nevertheless
, Thissue
can be solved by social fundamental education about diet and regulating Correct your spelling
this issue
the
Correct article usage
apply
food
prices.Submitted by yhj000801 on
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task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to clearly illustrate the causes of obesity. This will enhance your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of your ideas by organizing them in a more logical structure. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly.
task achievement
Avoid common spelling and grammar mistakes. Consider revising sentences with errors to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear setup and summary of your ideas.
task achievement
You identified key causes and solutions for obesity, showing an understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example