Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is true that The proportion of

people

Use synonyms

who

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

overweight which

caused

Add a missing verb

is caused

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mordern dietery

Correct your spelling

modern dietary

habits

increase

Wrong verb form

has increased

show examples

these days.

While

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

is a serious problem It can be solved by arranging the

food

Use synonyms

uptake tendency. Obviously, The main cause of obesity is over-eating.

It s

Correct your spelling

It's

clear that there are too many

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

and types of

food

Use synonyms

according to

Linking Words

development

Fix the agreement mistake

developments

show examples

technology

Add an article

the technology

show examples

food

Use synonyms

sciences.

For example

Linking Words

, Not only the improvement of

manufacture

Replace the word

manufacturing

show examples

industries which rely on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

automatic producing and allow us to make more number of foods

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

growing the

Agricalture

Correct your spelling

Agriculture

science field making more grain corns and

potatos

Correct your spelling

potatoes

Replace the punctuation

...

show examples

Additionally

Linking Words

, The consumption of junk

food

Use synonyms

, like

hamburger

Fix the agreement mistake

hamburgers

show examples

, pizza, and deep-fried foods which

decride

Wrong verb form

are described

show examples

as low quality but high calories,

grow

Correct subject-verb agreement

grows

show examples

This

Linking Words

tendency of

food

Use synonyms

uptake is likely to grow the

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

peoples which have

risk

Add an article

the risk

a risk

show examples

of chronic diseases,

such

Linking Words

cardia

Correct your spelling

cardiac

show examples

disease and

diabetic

Replace the word

diabetes

show examples

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

there are

aolutions

Correct your spelling

solutions

this

Linking Words

problem. One of the ways to regulate

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

food

Use synonyms

uptake by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public education about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

table manners.

People

Use synonyms

who watch

the

Change the word

their

show examples

mobile

device

Fix the agreement mistake

devices

show examples

while

Linking Words

eating tend to eat more than others. because they do not realise how much they are eating. The other solution is

set

Fix the infinitive

to set

show examples

the cap for

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

food

Use synonyms

, For

istance

Correct your spelling

instance

, vegetables, fruits and eggs, which are important

source

Fix the agreement mistake

sources

show examples

vitamine

Correct your spelling

vitamin

and vital energy. It can be seen that

people

Use synonyms

are likely to choose a

cheeper

Correct your spelling

cheaper

and

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

easiler

Correct your spelling

easier

way to have

meal

Add an article

a meal

show examples

. for that reason, to grow

a healthier diet habits

Correct the article-noun agreement

a healthier diet habit

healthier diet habits

show examples

, must set

maximun

Correct your spelling

maximum

prices for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

essential energy sources.

To sum up

Linking Words

It is evident that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

over-eating

incressed

Correct your spelling

increased

increase

the rates of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who are

over-weight

Correct your spelling

overweight

show examples

and

moe

Correct your spelling

show examples

disadvantages

Wrong verb form

disadvantaged

show examples

getting lifestyle

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

Linking Words

Furthermore

Add a comma

Furthermore,

show examples

This

Linking Words

must bring a result of a higher fee to maintain the medical systems.

nevertheless

Linking Words

Thissue

Correct your spelling

this issue

can be solved by social fundamental education about diet and regulating

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

food

Use synonyms

prices.

yhj000801Wed Oct 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Try to expand on your ideas and provide more specific examples to clearly illustrate the causes of obesity. This will enhance your task achievement score.

coherence cohesion

Improve the clarity of your ideas by organizing them in a more logical structure. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more seamlessly.

task achievement

Avoid common spelling and grammar mistakes. Consider revising sentences with errors to improve readability.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear setup and summary of your ideas.

task achievement

You identified key causes and solutions for obesity, showing an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
51
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

313 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
It is believed that it is necessary for people to get out of their comfort zone, both in their work lives and their individual lives. From my point of view, I reckon that the drawbacks of taking risks outweigh the benefits for some reasons mentioned in this essay.
7
band
Some people believe that the arts (such as music, literature, and theater) are more important than other subjects in schools. Do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying the fact that over-tourism in popular destinations is damaging both the environment and local cultures. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this surge in tourism and how the negative impacts can be mitigated.
6
band
Some people think that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while others believe that adults should prevent them from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
The question whether parents should control their infants to prevent mistakes is a topic of argument. In fact, some people believe that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while others argue that adults should prevent them from any kind of error. In my opinion, I believe that the most efficient way is to guide them through every mistake rather than shielding them from it.
6.5
band
All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays environmental awareness is rising very quickly among people. Hence, one section of society holds the view that e-vehicles should become the dominant type of cars by replacing traditional cars that use fossil resources as fuel. From the point of my personal view, I believe that the advantages of changing the source of power in the automobile industry far outweigh its disadvantages.
6
band
Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.Do you agree or disagree?
Many young people work on a volunteer basis, and this can only be beneficial for both the individual and society as a whole. However, I do not agree that we should therefore force all teenagers to do unpaid work.

Obesity is an ever-growing pandemic that is affecting more and more of the world’s population. The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth of overweight people in society? How can this issue be resolved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that the arts (such as music, literature, and theater) are more important than other subjects in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while others believe that adults should prevent them from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole.Do you agree or disagree?