IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people claim that museums and art galleries will not be need because people can see historical objects and works of arts by computers. Do you agree or disagree

#people #museums #art #galleries #objects #works #arts #computers
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The world is evolving at a rapid pace, as Technology has played a major role in the modernization of our society. Every aspect of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is now reliant on technology.
This
 has led
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some people
in believing
Change preposition
to believe
show examples
 that the need
of visiting
Change preposition
to visit
show examples
art
 galleries and museums is not necessary as we
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 observe historical ornaments and
potraits
Correct your spelling
portraits
 in our homes on computers. I completely
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
agree
 with the statement and in
this
 essay will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, museums and
art
 galleries are not just institutes allocated to the display of history and
art
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
. They play a great role in uplifting a
countrie's
Correct your spelling
country's
 economy
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 tourism, as they are a massive tourist attraction.
For example
, The British Museum is
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for almost 30% of the gross revenue generated by the entire state
as well as
 the Black Ink Gallery in New York is the momentous platform for
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
 to be bought and sold. Another reason, why I fail to agree with the remark is to distinguish between the experience of observing something physically or through a digital medium.
For instance
, A
person
 could watch a historic place or a landscape on a screen but it will be not something which will
set
Add a missing verb
be set
show examples
 down in the core of his memory because it will be nothing special as it takes out the fun and adventure. All you see are plain photographs or videos of famous
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
this
 account cannot be applied to every case because
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and resources vary from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
person
 to
person
. suppose that a
handicap
Change the verb form
handicapped
show examples
person
 is not able to to walk or transport himself to his desired destination which could be either
museum
Add an article
a museum
the museum
show examples
 or an
art
 gallery. So
according to
 the
circumstances
Add a comma
circumstances,
show examples
 it would be more feasible for that individual to watch them on his or her computer. In Conclusion,
Although
 it is a common belief that we should watch
peices
Correct your spelling
pieces
 of history and
art
 on our computers
instead
 of visiting museums and
art
 galleries.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
 I think it is not a respectable way to
Correct your spelling
appreciate
appericiate
Correct your spelling
appreciate
 both and
disagress
Correct your spelling
disagrees
disagree
 with
this
 belief
Submitted by irsamahmood on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly states whether you agree or disagree with the statement to provide a strong position from the beginning.
supported main points
Make sure to develop each main point with sufficient depth and provide clear examples that directly support your argument.
logical structure
Strive for clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Using linking words such as 'furthermore,' 'moreover,' and 'on the other hand,' can help.
clear comprehensive ideas
Reconsider your use of language to express a broader range of vocabulary and structures, improving the comprehensiveness and clarity of your ideas.
logical structure
Whenever you introduce a point, ensure all sentences in the paragraph support and relate to that point for stronger coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing your opinion well.
relevant specific examples
You've provided some relevant examples to support your argument, such as the significance of The British Museum.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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