IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries around the world, it is common for families to run their own business. Some people think that keeping the business within the family is the best approach while other believe this could lead to problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #world #families #business #people #approach
The world is evolving at a rapid pace, as Technology has played a major role in the modernization of our society. Every aspect of our lives is now reliant on technology.
This
 has led some people to believe that the need to visit
art
 galleries and museums is not necessary as we can observe historical ornaments and portraits in our homes on computers. I completely disagree with the statement and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 essay will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
, museums and
art
 galleries are not just institutes allocated to the display of history and
art
 forms. They play a great role in uplifting a country's economy through tourism, as they are a massive tourist attraction.
For example
, The British Museum is responsible for almost 30% of the gross revenue generated by the entire state
as well
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 the Black Ink Gallery in New York is the momentous platform for artwork to be bought and sold. Another reason, why I fail to agree with the remark is to distinguish between the experience of observing something physically or through a digital medium.
For instance
, A
person
 could watch a historic place or a landscape on a screen but it will be not something which will be set down in the core of his memory because it will be nothing special as it takes out the fun and adventure. All you see are plain photographs or videos of famous areas.
On the other hand
,
this
 account cannot be applied to every case because situations and resources vary from
person
 to
person
. suppose that a handicapped
person
 is not able to to walk or transport himself to his desired destination which could be either a museum or an
art
 gallery. So
according to
 the circumstances, it would be more feasible for that individual to watch them on his or her computer. In Conclusion,
Although
 it is a common belief that we should watch pieces of history and
art
 on our computers
instead
 of visiting museums and
art
 galleries. Personally, I think it is not a respectable way to appreciate both and
disagrees
Correct subject-verb agreement
disagree
show examples
 with
this
 belief
Submitted by irsamahmood on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure all your arguments tie back to the main topic clearly in each paragraph.
task achievement
Break down your points into clearer sub-points to enhance understanding.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion which clearly present your stance.
task achievement
Relevant examples given to support your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: