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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Music
 is often seen as a universal language that can bring
people
 together, regardless of their age or cultural background. I completely agree with
this
 opinion, as
music
 has the power to connect differences and unite individuals across generations and societies. On the one hand, the taste of
music
 depends on personal habits and personality, so individuals who come from different countries may not speak the same language but they can enjoy the same rhythm or melody.
For instance
, there are some international concerts like Coachella that attract audiences from all over the world, who gather to enjoy performances by artists from diverse genres and cultures.
On the other hand
,
music
 often appeals to
people
 of different ages because
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain genres can attract both young and older audiences.
Additionally
, there are many family special events that are attended by relatives
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different sorts of ages,
such
 as weddings or celebrations.
This
 shows that
music
 has the ability to foster connections between
people
 of all ages. In conclusion, I believe that
music
 plays a significant role in bringing
people
 of different cultures and generations together. Its ability to break down language barriers and appeal to a wide range of audiences makes it a powerful method for unity.
Submitted by ieltsamiedu on

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task achievement
Expand on the examples, such as detailing which specific cultures are brought together during events like Coachella, to enhance the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear, varying sentence structures further can enhance the complexity and sophistication of language use and expression.
introduction conclusion
Strong introduction and conclusion, clearly presenting your position on the topic.
logical structure
The essay is well-organized with logical sequencing of ideas and paragraphs.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as discussing international concerts and family events.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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