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Writing Samples
Band 6

An increasing number of profectional such as teachers and doctors are leaving their own poooer countries to work in developing countries. What are the reasons for this trend?

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There is no denying the fact that many
people
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 who have a job leave their hometown to
work
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 in another good
country
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that there are employers who want to leave their
country
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 just because it is poor and want to
work
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 in a developed
country
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 for many reasons, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that it is right to leave your
country
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 as a teacher or doctor to
work
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 in another
country
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 for many reasons.
To begin
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 with, there are many
people
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 who found that they may get a better salary than their
country
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.
In other words
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, they do not want to waste their time in a poor
country
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 with a bad salary when they can get more than that.
In addition
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, their hometown
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not treat them
as well as
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 developed countries like Saudi Arabia or Russia.
For example
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, Cambridge University said that 55% of
people
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 who live in a poor
country
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 leave their hometown just to search for a better salary in another place. Another point to consider, many
people
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 have
master's
Correct article usage
a master's
show examples
 or PhD so they want to
work
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 in the biggest companies. It is
also
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 possible to say that, they deserve to
work
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 in the best places around the world with the best
people
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.
Moreover
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, some countries let their students study and go outside to
work
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 in the best areas around the world.
For instance
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, India has one of the best teaching systems, they only let you study and
then
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work
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 outside the
country
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 and that's why you see many Indian doctors everywhere. In conclusion, despite
people
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 having different views. I believe that it is right to let your students leave your
country
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 to
work
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 in the best places and let them get experiences from everyone there.

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coherence cohesion
Develop a stronger logical structure by clearly organizing ideas and arguments into distinct paragraphs. For instance, each paragraph could explore a single reason for the trend, with evidence and examples to support it.
task achievement
Ensure each central idea is clearly stated and expanded upon. The essay discusses potential reasons for professionals leaving poorer countries but could elaborate more on each reason in separate paragraphs.
general
Be mindful of minor language inaccuracies, such as spelling errors (e.g., 'profectional' should be 'professional') and word misuse (e.g., 'hometown' used incorrectly in a few places).
task achievement
Consider providing more varied and specific examples to strengthen the arguments. While you used examples like Cambridge University statistics, adding more detailed evidence or real-life cases would enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good overall structure for the response.
task achievement
The central topic is addressed with multiple reasons and examples, such as seeking better salaries and better treatment in developed countries, showcasing a good effort in exploring the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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