IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#countries #government #prioritises #growth #concerns
First of all, we all believe that the economic
situation
 has a great influence on our lives on different sides, lots of nation convinced that the economic
situation
 has an opposite effect on social
values
,
although
 I have a great faithful in our social
values
however
 I will discuss the advantage and disadvantages. one advantage of improving our economic
situation
 is upgrading our strength in diverse districts
such
 as education, healthcare, improving
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our infrastructure, and at the level of citizen welfare and amenities. on the other side, the changes in the economic
situation
 will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the social
values
 whether negatively or positively,
therefore
, it is reasonable for us to be balanced in making our judgments. the increase in the economy is not the only factor in the imbalance of
values
, the economic deficit
also
 has a significant impact on the imbalance or lack of social
values
.
finally
, it is my firm belief that the increase in the economic
situation
 will change our community
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the better, there are ethics we should comment on, and we should not attach the errors of our
values
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the impact of economic improvement.
Submitted by Mido  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay presents some arguments about the economic impact on social values, but the ideas could be clearer and more precise. Consider defining terms and explaining how economic growth impacts social values specifically.
coherence cohesion
While there is an introduction and conclusion, the clarity and logical flow between ideas could be improved. Consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from specific examples to illustrate how economic changes influence various areas such as education and healthcare. Try to include concrete examples or scenarios to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer's belief and ties the essay together.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges both sides of the argument, considering both advantages and disadvantages of economic growth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!