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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of people visiting GYM once a month or more between 1984 to 2003.

The graph below shows the percentage of people visiting GYM once a month or more between 1984 to 2003.
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The given chart provides data about the proportion of European residents
in
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of
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 different ages who often visited the gym between 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that the percentage of individuals going to the gym in 4
age
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 groups in Europe underwent an upward trend over the
years
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figure of young adults participating in gyms is higher than that of middle-aged adults, especially, the
age
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group
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 24-33, which is the
age
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group
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 with the highest recorded data throughout the
years
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 1990 to 2010.
At
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In
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 the beginning, the figure of European citizens in the 18-23
age
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group
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 who exercised frequently was 15%,
while
Linking Words
 the number of people aged 24 to 33 was about 2% higher, at 17%. From 1990 to 1998, the proportion for the 18-23
age
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 range witnessed a continuous fluctuation when the initial number increased to approximately 18% in 1994 and
then
Linking Words
 fell to 16% in 1998. In
the
Correct article usage
a
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 similar situation, the percentage of ages 24-33 rose from a starting point to 23% and dropped to 20%. After 1998, the amount of the 24-33
age
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 range surged sustainably and reached roughly 26% in 2010.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the number of individuals from 18 to 23
years
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 old experienced
a
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apply
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significant growth and peaked at 25% in 2006;
however
Linking Words
, it went down again to nearly 18% by 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, gym goers in the 34-43 and 44-53
age
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Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 reached 7% and 5% respectively, and over the following 4
years
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 of steadiness, both groups went up moderately until 1998. After that,
while
Linking Words
 the figure of people in the 34-43
age
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 bracket witnessed a slight rise to 10% in 2010, the percentage of citizens who fell into the 44
to
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-
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 53
age
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group
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 remained stable by 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, years, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • trend
  • gym attendance
  • frequency
  • increase/decrease
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • gender disparity
  • societal norms
  • lifestyle changes
  • fitness industry
  • patterns
  • economic factors
  • public health campaigns
  • technology advancements
  • accessibility
  • workout regimes
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