IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A certain fraction believes that full-
time
education
 should be obligatory until 18 years old.
This
 point of view does not sit well with me.
Firstly
,
this
 kind of
education
 may demand most of the student’s
time
 and force them to spend fewer
hours
 on their hobbies or social life. Because of the long class sessions, students are only able to find
time
 at late
hours
 which is not so suitable for spending with friends or socializing.
Furthermore
, excessive amounts of lessons create an environment where students only focus on their tasks and do not have the chance to spend their
time
 on hobbies or creativity.
Secondly
, some harmful impacts of full-
time
education
 on students’ general well-being are the additional reasons that support my perspective. Many
hours
 that have been spent in school can make students feel tired which reduces productivity. The average
time
 per day
that is
 spent on school is 7-8
hours
, considering the homework which
also
 takes approximately 3-4
hours
, nearly half of the day is allocated only for
education
.
In addition
, a large amount of homework with strict deadlines can lead to chronic disorders
such
 as depression or anxiety.
To sum up
,
while
 some people recommend full-
time
education
 as mandatory,
this
 idea does not align with my viewpoint. I suggest creating an environment where children are encouraged to dedicate their
time
 to sharpen their creativity, learn skills that will have a positive effect on their future careers and
last
 but most
important
Replace the word
importantly
show examples
 find their own ways themselves which is important to create real adults for the community.
Submitted by checkmyessay9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen arguments. Examples that are more detailed or diverse can enhance essay depth.
task achievement
Clarify and expand certain points for fuller development, ensuring that all points are fully comprehensive and effectively convey your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Further diversify linking phrases and connectors to enhance cohesion throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your logical structure is well-organized, making your points easy to follow, which aids reader comprehension.
task achievement
The main argument is clear and focuses well on the topic, addressing the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: