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Band 7.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
A certain fraction believes that full-
time
education
 should be obligatory until 18 years old.
This
 point of view does not sit well with me.
Firstly
,
this
 kind of
education
 may demand most of the student’s
time
 and force them to spend fewer
hours
 on their hobbies or social life. Because of the long class sessions, students are only able to find
time
 at late
hours
 which is not so suitable for spending with friends or socializing.
Furthermore
, excessive amounts of lessons create an environment where students only focus on their tasks and do not have the chance to spend their
time
 on hobbies or creativity.
Secondly
, some harmful impacts of full-
time
education
 on students’ general well-being are the additional reasons that support my perspective. Many
hours
 that have been spent in school can make students feel tired which reduces productivity. The average
time
 per day
that is
 spent on school is 7-8
hours
, considering the homework which
also
 takes approximately 3-4
hours
, nearly half of the day is allocated only for
education
.
In addition
, a large amount of homework with strict deadlines can lead to chronic disorders
such
 as depression or anxiety.
To sum up
,
while
 some people recommend full-
time
education
 as mandatory,
this
 idea does not align with my viewpoint. I suggest creating an environment where children are encouraged to dedicate their
time
 to sharpen their creativity, learn skills that will have a positive effect on their future careers and
last
 but most
important
Replace the word
importantly
show examples
 find their own ways themselves which is important to create real adults for the community.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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