An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and health care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

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Childhood
obesity
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is a topic that has sparked debate over centuries,
due to
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the prolific increase in its prevalence among modern society. Currently, a significant proportion of
children
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are victims of
obesity
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, which detrimentally impacts their health at present and in the future, inadvertently raising healthcare expenses.
This
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essay will highlight the reasons and possible solutions to overcome
this
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complication.
To begin
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with, overconsumption of high-fat foods causes weight gain and certainly increases the risk of chronic diseases, namely diabetes and hypertension.
For example
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, a recent article published by a dietitian stated that
children
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who routinely consume energy-dense foods are more susceptible to
obesity
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than those who consume them occasionally,
thus
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supporting the aforementioned viewpoint.
Additionally
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, to alleviate
this
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problem, a sustainable and effective long-term approach will surely yield positive outcomes.
Children
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should be encouraged to eat nutrient-rich meals, including fruits and vegetables that contain an array of vitamins and minerals, thereby promoting
overall
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physiological and psychological well-being.
Secondly
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, another potential aetiology is a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
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, nowadays,
due to
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the excessive use of electronic devices,
children
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rarely go outside to play in the park and
instead
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prefer to sit indoors, playing games and watching movies.
As a result
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, the balance between energy intake and expenditure is disrupted, leading to an increase in weight.
Moreover
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, through activities like running, swimming, and cycling,
this
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issue can be addressed successfully. Conclusively, it is evident that a lack of physical activity and ingesting food items with high energy density are chief contributors to
obesity
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, but preventive measures
such
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as moderate exercise and mindful eating aid in mitigating it.

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly states the topic, consider adding a brief overview of the potential solutions to give a clearer roadmap for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
In your second body paragraph, the connection between the sedentary lifestyle and obesity could be strengthened with more specific examples or data to enhance clarity and impact.
coherence and cohesion
Try to summarize your key points in the conclusion briefly for better emphasis on the main ideas presented in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You provided well-structured paragraphs with clear main ideas and supporting details, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the effects of high-fat food consumption and the impact of sedentary lifestyle, adds credibility to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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