In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

While
it is widely debated that the benefit of university students living with their family
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
those who attend in another city, others argue that living away from home during college aids students with
transient
Add an article
a transient
the transient
show examples
phase of adulthood.
Hence
, I personally agree with the former side as it can reduce the living expense of moving out
along with
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
relationship
Add an article
a relationship
the relationship
show examples
with
love's
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love
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
will be
elaboratd
Correct your spelling
elaborated
on in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
that staying at home could help in
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
expenses
tremendously.
This
is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
because the
costs
of moving out can be very expensive
such
as rent, electricity and water bill,
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
and transportation fees. Take
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
parents,
for example
; moving out could
costs
Wrong verb form
cost
show examples
double that of the living expenditure that
charge
Wrong verb form
is charged
show examples
every month and
that is
why some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
might want to support their family financially by staying with the family
instead
.
Hoewever
Correct your spelling
However
, some opponents of
this
idea might argue that
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
independently from their parents could help them become more responsible as they have to manage their own
expenses
on rent, and other
costs
on their own. From my point of view, I reckon that staying with family does not define the
indendency
Correct your spelling
independence
independency
of an individual seeing that it could reduce the
expenses
prominently
along with
able
Add a missing verb
being able
show examples
to stay with your support systems. Based on my
personally
Change the adverb
personal
show examples
experiences of living at the dormitory at a 40 km campus away from home, the
costs
of living per month
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
very high, namely, delivery
food
Change preposition
of food
show examples
and eating out, if you do not cook. In summary,
although
it is undeniable that some people
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
it uncomfortable to live
Change preposition
with thieir
show examples
thieir
Correct your spelling
their
family
due to
privacy and
independency
Correct your spelling
independence
show examples
, I am of the opinion that in terms of finance staying with family can be a very good way to reduce
expenses
and
building
Replace the word
build
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with family members before adulthood
segragate
Correct your spelling
segregate
it.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider organizing your points more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Task Achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofread to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points and make your argument stronger.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly states your position on the topic, which is important for Task Achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've included both sides of the argument and your conclusion is present, providing good structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and sets up your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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