In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?
While
it is widely debated that the benefit of university students living with their family outweights
those who attend in another city, others argue that living away from home during college aids students with Correct your spelling
outweighs
transient
phase of adulthood. Add an article
a transient
the transient
Hence
, I personally agree with the former side as it can reduce the living expense of moving out along with
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
relationship
with Add an article
a relationship
the relationship
love's
Change noun form
love
one
will be Correct pronoun usage
ones
elaboratd
on in Correct your spelling
elaborated
this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to said
that staying at home could help in Wrong verb form
say
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
expenses
tremendously. This
is possibly
because the Replace the adverb
possible
costs
of moving out can be very expensive such
as rent, electricity and water bill, foods
and transportation fees. Take Fix the agreement mistake
food
middle class
parents, Add a hyphen
middle-class
for example
; moving out could costs
double that of the living expenditure that Wrong verb form
cost
charge
every month and Wrong verb form
is charged
that is
why some student
might want to support their family financially by staying with the family Fix the agreement mistake
students
instead
.
Hoewever
, some opponents of Correct your spelling
However
this
idea might argue that live
independently from their parents could help them become more responsible as they have to manage their own Wrong verb form
living
expenses
on rent, and other costs
on their own.
From my point of view, I reckon that staying with family does not define the indendency
of an individual seeing that it could reduce the Correct your spelling
independence
independency
expenses
prominently along with
able
to stay with your support systems. Based on my Add a missing verb
being able
personally
experiences of living at the dormitory at a 40 km campus away from home, the Change the adverb
personal
costs
of living per month is
very high, namely, delivery Correct subject-verb agreement
are
food
and eating out, if you do not cook.
In summary, Change preposition
of food
although
it is undeniable that some people found
it uncomfortable to live Wrong verb form
find
Change preposition
with thieir
thieir
family Correct your spelling
their
due to
privacy and independency
, I am of the opinion that in terms of finance staying with family can be a very good way to reduce Correct your spelling
independence
expenses
and building
Replace the word
build
relationship
with family members before adulthood Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
segragate
it.Correct your spelling
segregate
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider organizing your points more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
Task Achievement
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Proofread to enhance clarity.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points and make your argument stronger.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly states your position on the topic, which is important for Task Achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've included both sides of the argument and your conclusion is present, providing good structure.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and sets up your viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.