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Band 7.5

Many people judge success solely by money and material possessions. however, success can be achieved or measured in other ways. What are your opinion about this subject?

#people #judge #success #money #possessions
These days, we live in a world with various types of
people
, but most of them believe that the important factor that shows success is
money
 and how many things you have
while
 a group of the population think that success has many aspects that we can judge from. I subscribe to the second idea owing to the fact that when
people
 achieve their unbelievable goals they are successful. On the one hand, judging
people
 only on their
money
, the most crucial item for comfortable living, is not a good measurement,inasmuch as when your family are really rich and you use their
money
 you are not a successful person;
however
, when you grow in unwealthy family and make a business or position that you earn a great deal of
money
 you are successful.
On the other hand
, the fact is very necessary
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that
people
 should know about others' beliefs and aims
then
 they judge each other.
In other words
, if scientists either create new devices or discover new theories that help them to solve knowledge issues, they can be said we be successful;
moreover
, when businessmen improve their companies and export their goods and services to global countries become successful, and so on;
hence
, it is essential that we judge populations from their not only objectives but
also
 previous situations.
To sum up
,
money
 is the main elements that help
people
 to have good lifestyles;
in contrast
, it is not the measuring factor for judging populations on account of the fact that we should measure
people
 from their ideas and prior position.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
To strengthen task achievement, try to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, while discussing successful scientists or businessmen, mention real-world examples or well-known figures.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea coherently before moving to the next point. This will enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents both viewpoints regarding the measurement of success — by material possessions and by other achievements.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction that outlines the main argument and a conclusion that summarizes the points discussed.
coherence cohesion
The argument is logically structured, moving from the introduction to various viewpoints, and closing with a coherent conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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