IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

some people think that children who spend a lot of time reading children's story book are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #time #story #book #activities
There is no denying the fact that some people believe kids are wasting their time when they spend a lot of time reading
stories
instead
 of doing other activities.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that sharing in other activities may be more beneficial. there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that reading has many benefits for
children
.
To begin
 with, books teach
children
 important lessons which can help them to deal with other people,
in other words
,
stories
 help
children
 understand life by presenting real-life scenarios and emotions.
In addition
, kids learn empathy and values through the characters and situations they read about, which improves their understanding of others.
For example
, the Tortoise and the Hare teaches us the lesson that everyone can achieve success when they believe in themselves. Another point to consider is that reading boosts imagination significantly in
children
, helping them to develop their ideas. It is
also
 possible to say that
stories
 inspire creative thinking by presenting new ideas, allowing
children
 to explore other places and characters through images.
Moreover
, imagination enhances problem-solving by allowing
children
 to think outside the box.
For instance
, Pinocchio encourages imagination by showing that whenever Pinocchio lies, his nose grows longer. In conclusion, despite people having different views about the benefits of reading
stories
, I believe that when
children
 read
stories
 it is a valuable use of their time because it boosts their emotional, moral, and mental sides in an easy and enjoyable way.
Submitted by waleed.edu11 on

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task response
Make sure to support your arguments with more specific examples and evidence, as the current examples could be more specific and detailed.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting ideas more smoothly between paragraphs to enhance the flow and coherence of your essay.
task response
The introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument and states your opinion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with well-defined paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
task response
You presented relevant points about the benefits of reading and supported them with examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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