In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Somepeople say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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in some societies,
Due to
Linking Words
many vital
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are living longer than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
ageing
Correct article usage
the ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
might create issues.
However
Linking Words
, others
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
there are benefits if countries have old
generation
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
. from my point of view living in an ageing
population
Use synonyms
can
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
much problem
Change the quantifier
many problems
show examples
in comparison with
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more elder
people
Use synonyms
. on the one hand, every
country
Use synonyms
needs to have manpower which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be crucial. if the most portion of society is included by
old
Fix the agreement mistake
older
show examples
generations, it will bring the whole society
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
a dangerous situation.
For instance
Linking Words
, factories can be bankrupted, and the
country
Use synonyms
can
fell
Wrong verb form
fall
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into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty
old
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of old
show examples
people
Use synonyms
can
forced
Change the verb form
force
show examples
the government to
provide
Verb problem
pay
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a considerable cost to develop
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
effective healthcare system,
modern
Correct word choice
and modern
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medical equipment, and
also
Linking Words
train
experts
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expert
show examples
specialists.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the
country
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tangle
Change the verb form
tangles
show examples
with another society, because of not having an adequate number of armies, it can bring the
country
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
a disagreeable situation.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize word
As
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a consequence, if
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
population
Use synonyms
outweigh in compare with young
generation
Use synonyms
, it can bring the whole
country
Use synonyms
into
the
Correct article usage
the the
show examples
bizarre crisis.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
have faith
in
Change preposition
that
show examples
any
country
Use synonyms
needs elder
people
Use synonyms
for two main reasons.
First
Add a comma
First,
show examples
elder
people
Use synonyms
have more experience and can participate in many vacancies which exist in many countries.
For example
Linking Words
, politicians must be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experienced and educated
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
can assist the
country
Use synonyms
in
this
Linking Words
way.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
attendance can evoke
condolence
Correct article usage
a condolence
show examples
feeling in
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
. ultimately,
people
Use synonyms
can utilize
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
having
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
in their
country
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
many crucial ways. to sum it up, Due
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
to lose
Change preposition
from losing
show examples
their passion and enthusiasm, and
preventing
Wrong verb form
prevent
show examples
problems
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
happen during the war or
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
costs for
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
system, it is so critical to have
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
control the ageing
population
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on

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introduction conclusion
Your essay provides a relevant introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively. However, it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main argument more definitively.
logical structure
While your essay has a basic structure, developing smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs will aid in improving coherence. Using linking words like 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'consequently' more effectively can enhance clarity.
relevant specific examples
Strengthen your arguments with more specific and detailed examples to support your points. For example, mention specific countries or historical data as evidence for the claims you make.
task achievement
Your essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion successfully summarizes your opinion, reinforcing your viewpoint.
clear comprehensive ideas
Despite some inaccuracies, the main points are generally clear and understandable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Life expectancy
  • Demographic shift
  • Healthcare infrastructure
  • Pension funds
  • Intergenerational solidarity
  • Consumer demographics
  • Workforce participation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Urban planning
  • Assisted living facilities
  • Socio-economic challenges
  • Sustainable development
What to do next:
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