IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: People aim to keep a balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome?

#minutes #topic #people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
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Individuals
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 to strike a
balance
 between their
work
 and other activities and aspects of their lives;
however
, the fact that
people
 achieving
this
 goal account for
minority
Add an article
a minority
show examples
.
This
 essay will shed light on reasons why
people
 are still in trouble with achieving
this
 goal and suggest several methods to deal with these problems. To commence with, there are numerous reasons why
people
 are still struggling with balancing between
work
 and other aspects of their lives. First and foremost, shortage of
time
 is one of the biggest problems that
people
 encounter. Nowadays,
people
 are living in a fast-paced world, there are plenty of demanding tasks that need accomplishing.
As a result
,
people
 barely have
no
Correct determiner usage
any
show examples
time
 for other parts of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Furthermore
, being limited in finance
also
 leads to
inability
Add an article
the inability
an inability
show examples
 of
work
-life
balance
. It mostly springs from a fear of being heavily in debt or not having a decent life.
Consequently
,
people
 focus more on earning money so that they cannot set aside
time
 for other activities. To deal with these issues, some effective measures should be harnessed.
Firstly
, in terms of authority, they could enact regulations and policies that alleviate
work
 pressure and financial burdens.
As a result
,
people
 could have more
time
 to spend on their own activities.
Moreover
, turning to individuals,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should have a reasonable schedule to strike a
balance
 between their
work
 and other interests. By managing
time
 logically,
people
 can have flexibility in
work
-life
balance
.
To conclude
, the reasons why
people
 are struggling with balancing between their
work
 and other aspects of life can be attributed to several factors,
such
 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 shortage of
time
 and financial burdens.
However
, these problems can be overcome by utilizing some radical solutions.
Submitted by elsenglish16992 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate points better. For instance, provide details about industries or job roles where work-life balance is particularly challenging, or mention specific policies that governments or companies have implemented in the past that are successful in alleviating work-life balance issues.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the overall topic of work-life balance. Although the essay is quite cohesive, maintaining a stronger link between the topic sentences and the main theme in each paragraph would improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, providing a clear understanding of the main points regarding the issues and solutions related to work-life balance.
task achievement
Complex issues have been identified and addressed, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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