Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

In today’s era, the phenomenon of
children
surfing online for hours has been a fairly familiar scene that virtually everyone could stumble upon. Presumably,
this
stems from how nervous and empty some would feel within a period of
time
not reaching out to phones.
Furthermore
, I firmly believe that
this
kind of practice is more negative than positive. The upcoming paragraphs will explain clearly what I meant. To be easily understood, various causes are expressed, yet, the primary problem here is the lack of courage and discipline
that is
required in many subjects.
This
lacking factor contributes to the fact that plenty of individuals don’t dare to keep a distance away from some technological devices, eventually, resulting in significant amounts of
time
using phones,
for instance
. Of course, the origin is actually way more than what has been mentioned. With thousands to millions of diverse content across the Internet,
children
who are still struggling to regulate their feelings, aspirations, or thoughts could easily fall for those tempting tools. Plus, with the help of an effortless-to-be-dealt-with interface and fears of being left behind, it has reinforced the base for why hours are spent online, rather than offline. It is agreeably undeniable that there are still
children
who dedicate endeavours and
time
to studying via smart technology,
however
, the volume in comparison to the rest of those aiming for amusement purposes is not tantamount. Frankly speaking, it is lower than that. In terms of why it is far more negative, from my observation, it tends to lead to a high level of not feeling content.
For example
, a student could sense unconfident just by coming across a glamorous picture posted by somebody and could desire to possess something similar. On top of that, what worsens the situation is the more
time
you consume in your “rectangular world”, the less it is to be spent with your loved ones, creating a gap between you and them.
Overall
, high-tech devices are indeed very helpful to human beings and did manage to revolutionize various alterations in
this
modern era.
However
, a number of young users abuse
this
means of communication and task-handling,… and make it less worthy in others’ eyes.
Thus
, there should be people who are aware enough to prevent the excessive use of smartphones in
children
, by teaching them to comprehend both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
tool.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for each main point, cause, or argument to enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Ensure each point made in the essay is supported by clear examples or evidence to increase the strength of your argument.
task achievement
Work on the clarity of your ideas to make your argument more compelling and easier to understand.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion by clearly stating the topic and the writer's position.
task achievement
Good use of technology-related vocabulary throughout the essay, demonstrating strong lexical resource.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion summarizes the main points well, reiterating the negative aspects of excessive smartphone use by children.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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