In the United Kingdom, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family
In the UK when someone gets old often
go
to live in a home with other old Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
people
where,
there are nurses to look after them,sometimes the Remove the comma
apply
government
has to pay for this
care
Who do you think should pay for this
care
, the government
or the family
It is argued that, when British people
become older government
needs to pay or family
should Correct article usage
the family
care
about them.
This
essay would argue that,
all these duties are the responsibility of their families,because they brought up them,and Remove the comma
apply
people
live with their family
,it helps a Fix the agreement mistake
families
country
economyChange noun form
country's
,
because the Remove the comma
apply
government
can’t
take care
of everybody.
When older people
live with their children,they don’t need to live in the shelter house for elder people
.This
can be like older people
all life took care
to
their kids,gave them all,what they had brought up them.The children have to feel like that,taking a load Change preposition
of
of
their parents in their Change preposition
off
last
maturity of life is their moral duty.No one can’t
allow that
their parents Correct word choice
apply
live
in an old age home.Fix the infinitive
to live
For instance
,there countries like India and South Korea ,their citizens need to live in a joint family in this
modern society.
As well as
that a country’s economy will grow ,
if more Remove the comma
apply
people
are living with their families. This
is because these people
can’t
able to pay taxes to the Verb problem
don’t
authority
anymore.Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
Government
Correct article usage
The government
can’t
look after all of them.This
will be damage to the government
’s budget.But
,Correct word choice
However
authority
can support Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
Correct pronoun usage
them with
with
paying some extra pays for their food or other medicine needs.
Change preposition
by
For example
:higher
Add an article
a higher
authority
like USA
gives some extra Correct article usage
the USA
pays
Fix the agreement mistake
pay
for
older Change preposition
to
people
to support them their
needs.
In conclusion,looking after Change preposition
in their
to
older Change preposition
apply
people
is the responsibilities
of their families,and Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
government
also
need to give them supporting extra pays
,they Fix the agreement mistake
pay
paid
some taxes to Wrong verb form
pay
Correct article usage
the authority
authority
in their working life.Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas with well-structured supporting details. This means providing clear reasons or evidence for each point you make. For example, when arguing about the family’s role in caring for the elderly, include examples or data to illustrate this point more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more clearly. It seems that some points are repeated, while others are not fully explained, leading to confusion. Structuring paragraphs that each have a clear topic sentence can help organize your ideas better.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the essay. This helps reinforce your arguments and leaves a strong final impression.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the question prompt by discussing both the family and government’s roles responsibility in elder care.
relevant specific examples
There is a clear understanding of cultural practices, like in India and South Korea, which enriches the content and demonstrates wider knowledge.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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