In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?

It is widely known that childhood
obsesity
Correct your spelling
obesity
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
on the rise in several nations which is quite an alarming issue that both
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
and authorities worldwide
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
.
Change preposition
about.
show examples
I personally viewed that the change in lifestyles
such
as inactive activities and poor diet control could largely impact on
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
to become obese and how the
parents
as well as
the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
do to solve
this
problem will be discussed
further
in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible that the alteration in behaviour of
people
could tremendously affect their health, especially
children
.
This
is
possibly
Replace the adverb
possible
show examples
because
Add the comma(s)
, with
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
emerge
Replace the word
emergence
show examples
of gadgets that
aids
Change the verb form
aid
show examples
people
to live
conveniently
Correct quantifier usage
more conveniently
show examples
than in the past, it can
induced
Change the verb form
induce
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
to be more preserved and likely to devote their time
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
screen over
hang
Wrong verb form
hanging
show examples
around with friends. Another,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
overconsuming habits of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
especially on
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
food and sugary drinks can affect
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
health to become
more fat
Replace the words
fatter
show examples
. The combination of both aforementioned factors: sedentary lifestyle and poor diets can contribute
obesity
Change preposition
to obesity
show examples
in the young.
Therefore
, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
show
Change the form of the verb
shows
show examples
that being potato
couch
Fix the agreement mistake
couches
show examples
and
over eating
Correct your spelling
overeating
show examples
high calories make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
gain more weight.
However
, I strongly believe that
this
concern is manageable as long as
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
of measures must be taken and the participation from the
parents
. In terms of individuals,
parents
play
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
role in
nuturing
Correct your spelling
nurturing
their
children
.
The
Correct article usage
Parents
show examples
parents
should promote healthy living
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
such
as going out and
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
activities with their
children
in order to get rid of extra calories they consume and they prepare nutritious meal
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
for their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
as well. They might make some deals or reward
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their kid if they eat vegetables in order to stay healthy.
For
Change preposition
On
show examples
a bigger scale, the government should step in and hand in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hand to promote
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
quality of life
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
children
such
as
propose
Wrong verb form
by proposing
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lunch scheme in
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
or funding outdoor activities. Take Japan,
for example
; they are
renown
Replace the word
renowned
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
low percentages of obese
children
as the government offer
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy and
nutritous
Correct your spelling
nutritious
lunch schemes in every school. The foods were designed by nutritionists
along
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cooked
served
Correct word choice
and served
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
good proportion for the
children
.
This
scheme
prove
Change the verb form
proves
show examples
to be
success
Add an article
a success
show examples
in preventing their
children
to become
Change preposition
from becoming
show examples
fat. In summary,
although
it is undeniable that the changes in
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
show examples
of
todays'
Change noun form
today's
show examples
people
could affect on health considerably, I am of the opinion that there are several options to resolve
this
either from the
parents
or the government in order to create a better quality of life for their future citizens.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Avoid minor inaccuracies in word choice and spelling to enhance clarity (e.g., 'obesity', 'nurturing', 'government').
coherence cohesion
Ensure sentences flow smoothly by using conjunctions and transitional phrases where needed for coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, laying out the premise and summarizing the points effectively.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with examples, such as the reference to improved lunch schemes in Japan.
task achievement
The response covers both causes and solutions for childhood obesity comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • balanced diet
  • fast food
  • sugary snacks
  • physical activity
  • nutrition education
  • health campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • government regulations
  • home-cooked meals
  • extracurricular sports
  • digital entertainment
  • sedentary behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays: