In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem?
It is widely known that childhood
obsesity
Correct your spelling
obesity
in
on the rise in several nations which is quite an alarming issue that both Correct your spelling
is
individual
and authorities worldwide Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
.
I personally viewed that the change in lifestyles Change preposition
about.
such
as inactive activities and poor diet control could largely impact on youngster
to become obese and how the Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
parents
as well as
the governement
do to solve Correct your spelling
government
this
problem will be discussed further
in this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible that the alteration in behaviour of people
could tremendously affect their health, especially children
. This
is possibly
because Replace the adverb
possible
Add the comma(s)
, with
with
the Change preposition
apply
emerge
of gadgets that Replace the word
emergence
aids
Change the verb form
aid
people
to live conveniently
than in the past, it can Correct quantifier usage
more conveniently
induced
Change the verb form
induce
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
to be more preserved and likely to devote their time on
screen over Change preposition
to
hang
around with friends. Another, Wrong verb form
hanging
the
overconsuming habits of Add a missing verb
is the
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
especially on high fat
food and sugary drinks can affect Add a hyphen
high-fat
children
health to become Change noun form
children's
more fat
. The combination of both aforementioned factors: sedentary lifestyle and poor diets can contribute Replace the words
fatter
obesity
in the young. Change preposition
to obesity
Therefore
, there is a
research Correct article usage
apply
show
that being potato Change the form of the verb
shows
couch
and Fix the agreement mistake
couches
over eating
high calories make Correct your spelling
overeating
people
to
gain more weight.
Change the verb form
apply
However
, I strongly believe that this
concern is manageable as long as variety
of measures must be taken and the participation from the Add an article
a variety
parents
. In terms of individuals, parents
play major
role in Add an article
a major
nuturing
their Correct your spelling
nurturing
children
. The
Correct article usage
Parents
parents
should promote healthy living lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
such
as going out and do
activities with their Wrong verb form
doing
children
in order to get rid of extra calories they consume and they prepare nutritious meal plan
for their Fix the agreement mistake
plans
kid
as well. They might make some deals or reward Fix the agreement mistake
kids
with
their kid if they eat vegetables in order to stay healthy. Change preposition
apply
For
a bigger scale, the government should step in and hand in Change preposition
On
their
hand to promote Correct pronoun usage
apply
better
quality of life Add an article
a better
of
the Change preposition
for
children
such
as propose
Wrong verb form
by proposing
healthy
lunch scheme in Correct article usage
a healthy
school
or funding outdoor activities. Take Japan, Fix the agreement mistake
schools
for example
; they are renown
Replace the word
renowned
of
low percentages of obese Change preposition
for
children
as the government offer a
healthy and Correct article usage
apply
nutritous
lunch schemes in every school. The foods were designed by nutritionists Correct your spelling
nutritious
along
with
cooked Change preposition
apply
served
Correct word choice
and served
with
good proportion for the Change preposition
in
children
. This
scheme prove
to be Change the verb form
proves
success
in preventing their Add an article
a success
children
to become
fat.
In summary, Change preposition
from becoming
although
it is undeniable that the changes in lifestyle
of Add an article
the lifestyle
todays'
Change noun form
today's
people
could affect on health considerably, I am of the opinion that there are several options to resolve this
either from the parents
or the government in order to create a better quality of life for their future citizens.Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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task achievement
Avoid minor inaccuracies in word choice and spelling to enhance clarity (e.g., 'obesity', 'nurturing', 'government').
coherence cohesion
Ensure sentences flow smoothly by using conjunctions and transitional phrases where needed for coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, laying out the premise and summarizing the points effectively.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported with examples, such as the reference to improved lunch schemes in Japan.
task achievement
The response covers both causes and solutions for childhood obesity comprehensively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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