IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Air transport is increasingly used to transport fruits and vegetables to other countries where they cannot be grown or are out of season. Some people say this is good but other believe the use of air transport for this purpose is not justified. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#air #transport #fruits #vegetables #countries #season #people #purpose
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In modern times,
air
transport
 is utilized in order to deliver fruits and vegetables in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
countries that have weather conditions that are not feasible for the growth of the plant. Other people thought it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a good practice,
while
 others
point
Wrong verb form
pointed
show examples
 out the unjustifiable expenses. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss the two
oppossing
Correct your spelling
opposing
 views and give
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
show examples
 on the subject matter. On one hand,
air
transport
 is an expensive tool to secure products that are unavailable in a specific place.
Additionally
, fuel and maintenance costs are enormous on planes
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 affects the government's budget.
Thus
, some citizens consider
this
 to be impractical
due to
 some other issues that
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 attention
such
 as healthcare and education.
Moreover
, it would be insensitive to allocate
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
air
 delivery if there are more pressing issues
such
 as
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
 crisis.
On the other hand
, the
air
transport
 system causes stimulation to the economy
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why other people favour the practice.
Furthermore
, the plane industry and business sectors are the main
beneficiary
Change the noun form
beneficiaries
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 cycle.
As a result
, there will be varied options in the market and the competition of the companies will be tight.
On
Change preposition
From
show examples
 consumers'
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 vast options of vegetables, fruits and other products are available to select on the market. Personally, I am in favour of not spending
air
Change preposition
on air
show examples
transport
 to acquire goods.
Although
 there are possibility of
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 boosts, yet there are other attention that
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 more funding
such
 as health, safety and poverty.
Additionally
, it would be helpful for the government to motivate farmers to cultivate crops that can be grown locally.
As a result
, agricultural industries will be improved rather than have band-aid solutions. In conclusion,
although
 there are benefits of patronizing
air
transport
 to avail the products,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the drawbacks
such
 as maintenance costs are impractical.
Submitted by emmagallares on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your argument. Providing real-world instances can make your points more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure all your points are logically connected and flow smoothly from one to another. You might benefit from slightly clearer transitions between points.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views and included a personal opinion supported by reason.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt with relevant ideas and maintained focus throughout your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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