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Band 2.5

Fewer and fewer children are willing to look after their parents as they get older these days. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#children #parents #trend
It is the duty of
children
 to take
care
 of their
parents
 when they get old.
Parents
 sacrifice their whole lives to raise their
children
. They work hard to raise their
children
 throughout their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. They sacrifice their happiness, peace and careers to take good
care
 of their
children
.
Therefore
,
children
 should take
care
 of their
parents
 at their older age because they do not have the capacity to take
care
 of themselves.
For example
, in Bangladesh
parents
 are mainly taken
care
by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
.
This
 is a common practice in Bangladesh because many people believe that
children
 are responsible for the well-being of their
parents
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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task achievement
Expand the discussion by including both sides of the argument. Present both the advantages and disadvantages of children not taking care of their parents in old age.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay effectively. An introduction can briefly state your opinion along with presenting the issue.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly by dividing the essay into distinct paragraphs: introduction, discussion with examples, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay addresses an important and culturally relevant topic.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion that children should take care of their parents.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about Bangladesh which supports your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Generational dynamics
  • Elderly care
  • Filial piety
  • Professional care services
  • Psychological well-being
  • Social responsibility
  • Financial burden
  • Emotional strain
  • Nuclear family
  • Assisted living
  • Health care systems
  • Social norms
  • Dependency ratio
  • Aging population
  • Cultural values
What to do next:
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