In many countries, childhood obesity is a growing problem. What are the reasons for this and what can individuals and governments do to tackle the problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays figures of childhood obesity are rising in many countries which will lead to serious health problems in the future population of these countries.
This
change can be explain
by changes in our Change the verb form
be explained
lifestyle
and diet
and it is important that we as individuals and the government try and address the problem.
The diet
of young people has changed dramatically over the years. These days many foods that are popular with children
are unhealthy and full with
fat and sugar. Change preposition
of
This
problem is made worse by the fact that children
have a much more sedentery
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
than in the past and are not therefore
burning the energy that they take in their diet
. These are the main causes of obesity in children
.
There are some things that we as individuals can be done
to combat Wrong verb form
do
this
problem. We need to teach young people how to lead a healthy life and support them to be more active. The main people who are responsible for this
are parents who should also
make sure that they feed their children
healthily
diets.
Governments can Change the word
healthy
also
help to tackle this
question. They should promote a healthy lifestyle
for their citizens and also
make sure that children
have access to sport
facilities. Change the noun form
sports
Furthermore
, they could take measures to improve our diet
. They could introduce laws about food ingredients and make unhealthy foods more expensive for us to buy.
In conclusion, it is clear that
growing obese
levels amongst our youth is a pressing issue which we need to address or face huge health problems in the future. Replace the word
obesity
However
, as we understand the reasons, there are steps we can take to promote a healthy lifestyle
for children
.Submitted by 361109698 on
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task achievement
The essay fully addresses all parts of the task, but it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the argument. Consider incorporating a few examples from case studies or statistics, which could provide solid evidence for your claims.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-structured overall, there could be some improvements in the transitions between ideas. Smooth transitions can enhance the flow of the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the transition from personal responsibility to government intervention could be made more seamless.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion, successfully framing the argument from start to finish. This is essential in maintaining the reader's understanding of your stance and arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically structured, with each paragraph clearly delineating a separate aspect of the response to the problem of childhood obesity. This helps in making your arguments cohesive and easy to follow.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the task, addressing both the reasons for childhood obesity and the solutions that individuals and governments can implement. This shows a clear engagement with the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.