IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Recently, many children
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 overweight, which leads to their health problems. Outweigh in children is most often
associate
Wrong verb form
associated
show examples
 with several factors
such
Linking Words
 as poor
diet
Use synonyms
, a sedentary lifestyle and psychological factors.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the reasons and solutions  The first problem,
improper
Add a missing verb
is improper
show examples
 nutrition. There can be many reasons for poor appetite. Like,An improperly constructed daily routine, few walks in the fresh air, insufficient physical
activity
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 does not meet the needs of the baby. Kids with bad eating habits do not receive the necessary amount of nutrients for good health.
For example
Linking Words
, young people who
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 poorly as a rule, they have a weaker immune system, which increases their chances of getting sick. The solution
Change preposition
to
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
. It is important to follow a
diet
Use synonyms
 and quality of food, decrease the amount of sweets, oily products and fast foods, increasing vegetables, fruits
also
Linking Words
 whole grains. The second reason
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the inactive lifestyle. Children have been spending more time behind the screen lately, which reduces their
activity
Use synonyms
 and physical fitness.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 a healthy body affects
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good mood, productivity development and strong health.
However
Linking Words
, excess weight can
dicrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
increase
 immune systems when
Use synonyms
Add an article
a kid
the kid
show examples
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 can get easily sick. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem,
firstly
Linking Words
 parents can make a food more appetising and
Use synonyms
kid
Add an article
the kid
show examples
 probably will want to eat it. The view is
also
Linking Words
 very important so as not to lose the child's appetite.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it's no need to force them to eat what they don't want. There is plenty of good nutrition which
Use synonyms
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 will like
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. If she doesn't like broccoli, she probably likes something else, it doesn't have to be one thing.
Secondly
Linking Words
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
activity
Use synonyms
 where
Use synonyms
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
 regularly
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 exercise or light activities like walking in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh air
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 helps to support
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy fitness. In conclusion, by creating healthier habits and promoting physical
activity
Use synonyms
, we can
Correct your spelling
effectively
show examples
affectively
Correct your spelling
effectively
show examples
 combat childhood obesity and ensure
brighter
Correct article usage
a brighter
show examples
, good future for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistics about children's weight-related health issues.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure with each paragraph smoothly transitioning to the next. This will enhance readability.
task achievement
Clarify your points a bit more, especially how psychological factors contribute to childhood obesity. This will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded argument.
task achievement
The paper successfully identifies key reasons for childhood obesity and offers solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical progression of ideas and addresses the problem and solutions in a structured manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: