IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some counties, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, more and more
people
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 have difficulty with
health
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 problems,
such
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 as high blood pressure, diabetes, and so on because of various unhealthy foods.
As a result
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, some
people
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 suggest the government should charge taxes related to
food
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 or something. From my perspective, I partially disagree with
this
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 idea.
People
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 who think the authorities need to impose a
tax
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 on fast
food
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 indicate excess intake of fried foods can cause the body to suffer plenty of diseases and it is impossible to prohibit eaters not to have
this
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 kind of
food
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.
However
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, the government has to assume responsibility for the public well-being simultaneously.
Therefore
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, they have no option but to make alternative methods,
that is
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, to produce the law about
tax
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 on unhealthy refreshments, which may inhibit consumers' desire for
this
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 category of high-salt, high-fat stuff before they purchase them. As far as I am concerned, if the authorities charge a fast-
food
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tax
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 in order to regulate the multitude's yearning for delicious, but greasy things in case those foods degrade our bodies, it may be futile because there are several reasons why
people
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 have trouble in their
health
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,
such
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 as less exercise, a degraded lifestyle, and so on.
Additionally
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, eating whatever kind of
food
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 belongs to
people
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's will, the government does not have the right to add a
tax
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 for
this
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 purpose for everyone's body. It could bring about protests from
people
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 who stand in a variety of positions. If the
health
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 authority wants to improve the public's
health
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 problems, it can resolve
this
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 issue by publicizing the defects of fast
food
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 and inculcating awareness of the need to care for
health
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. In a nutshell, instilling knowledge and information about fried
food
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's influence on the body of the masses is important and
thus
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 makes eaters become more
health
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-conscious.
In addition
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, I believe that avenue is way better and more effective than charging
tax
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 on specific
food
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.

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task response
You have addressed the task effectively, presenting a clear position on whether the government should impose higher taxes on fast food. However, to strengthen your response further, you could develop more specific examples or instances where taxation has been either beneficial or ineffective. This would help in demonstrating a deeper engagement with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, try to ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to enhance the coherence. Using linking words effectively can help in achieving this.
coherence and cohesion
The essay introduces the topic clearly, stating your view on the imposition of tax on fast food. Your stance is well-expressed at the beginning, which sets a clear direction for your essay.
task response
You provide a good balance of arguments, considering both sides before offering your own opinion and conclusion. This approach shows a thorough understanding of the issue at hand.
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