Students perform better in school then they rewarded rather then punished. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answear and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or expirience.

Scholars carry out better in school when they
rewarded
Add a missing verb
are rewarded
show examples
than punished . I support
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
of awarding students for great
performing
Replace the word
performance
show examples
in school
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
giving punishments.
Overall
, every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
should have their individual approach
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
how parents
motivating
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
them for better improvements in school education, but parents
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
always understand how
stimulate
Add the particle
to stimulate
show examples
their
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
correctly
as well as
teachers.
This
essay will explore various opinions
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
how to do it right without leading
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to any unfortunate consequences. First of all, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
no right or wrong
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
to choose,
because
Correct word choice
as
show examples
how
Correct word choice
as
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
said earlier everyone
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
their unique driving force for improving grades. Motivation
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
of
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
key-factors
Correct your spelling
key factors
show examples
that can provide huge changes in our self-improvement and without it would be hard to make
breakthrough
Add an article
a breakthrough
the breakthrough
show examples
.
For instance
,
major
Add an article
a major
the major
show examples
part of scholars would be vastly more inspired if somebody
bestow
Change the verb form
bestows
show examples
even
tiny
Correct article usage
a tiny
show examples
reward wherewith
eneormous
Correct your spelling
enormous
punishmet
Correct your spelling
punishment
. Students often find more joy in raising their grades when they receive some form of
remuniration
Correct your spelling
remuneration
, which helps them stay engaged and focused.
On the other hand
, some children may be deprived of any pleasure of gifts because their parents
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
them everything they want
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
any time. In
this
case, only one way to show that before he will
recive
Correct your spelling
receive
a gift, it must be deserved with some perseverance. My own situation
contridicts
Correct your spelling
contradicts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
one just
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
vast
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
of
time
Correct pronoun usage
my time
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
was limited
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
computer games. More free time on the console gave me significant motivation to
enhancement
Replace the word
enhance
show examples
my grades as well.
Submitted by stepanantoniuk07 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to clearly support each point with relevant examples and details. In particular, expand on the introduction to better frame the discussion and strengthen the conclusion to encapsulate your main points.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use linking words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, improve sentence structures to avoid abrupt transitions between ideas.
task achievement
The essay introduces a relevant topic, emphasizing the importance of student motivation in academic performance. This is a strong foundation for discussing educational strategies, a crucial subject.
task achievement
The discussion includes personal examples, which help to personalize and provide context to the arguments. This approach adds depth to the essay and demonstrates a genuine engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Overall, the essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction and main body of arguments. This structure aids the reader in following the writer's line of thought.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: