In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

At least once in every
children's
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child's
show examples
life, the parents
told
Wrong verb form
tell
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them that whatever goal they had in mind, with
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
and discipline
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be reached. For sure, by learning
this
lesson the child will be hopeful and determined,
although
, at the same time it could give false
expectances
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expectations
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leading to negative psychological effects.
Overall
,
this
is a good message to give to everyone, despite something being very difficult to achieve, giving it a try is always worth it.
For example
, when I was just a kid, my mother always used to tell me that barely any task can be done
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
initally
Correct your spelling
initially
, but by trying several times, practice makes perfect and for sure one day the purpose will be achieved at a certain point. By giving me
this
example, I never gave up and I was able to reach all my goals.
On the other hand
, goals are not always achievable. In fact, not being able to realize some of them could result in a lack of self-esteem.
According to
recent studies, in modern society suffering from anxiety and depression is far more common than it used to be in the past. The reason is that not accomplishing a
fulfil
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fulfilment
show examples
is not socially accepted anymore. In conclusion, I believe that
this
moral can be given to children, but only after they are taught to accept failure as a part of their life. In fact, by failing and learning from that, their life will be truly fulfilling.
Submitted by alessandro.talese on

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coherence cohesion
In some parts, the essay lacks a smooth flow. Consider using linking words or phrases like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', and 'In addition' to enhance the coherence between ideas.
task achievement
There are minor grammatical errors, such as 'false expectances' which should be 'false expectations'. Make sure to proofread your essay for such inaccuracies.
task achievement
Expand on certain points to offer more depth. For instance, include more examples or evidence when describing how unattainable goals affect self-esteem.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a good framework for your essay. You clearly introduced the topic and summarized it effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant personal examples which added weight to your argument and demonstrated personal reflection.
task achievement
The essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic, showcasing a good understanding and engagement with the given task.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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