Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
There is no denying the fact that there are many
people
who see that the culture
will be ruined because of tourism
but there are people
who think the opposite. While
it is a commonly held belief that some people
see that their culture
will be ruined by tourism
, there is also
an argument that there are people
who believe that tourism
will be beneficial for their culture
. This
essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion.
On the one hand, some folks think that tourism
will ruin their culture
for many reasons. In other words
, they do not want to see other people
from different countries visit
their historical places. In addition
, they see it as a chance to destroy their culture
because if many people
from different countries come to enjoy their time there, the historical places will be meaningless to visit
because they do not pay attention and they
just Correct pronoun usage
apply
visit
it
for fun. Correct pronoun usage
them
For example
, in Saudi Arabia many people
from different countries visit
our historical mountains just for fun, in the end, it is meaningless to visit
this
place anymore because in the past I used to learn but now I do not.
On the other hand
, there are some people
who believe that tourism
will benefit them to protect their culture
. It is also
possible to say that if tourism
pays them to visit
historical places they will use the money to protect the culture
so it is useful.
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this
question. On balance, however
, I tend to believe that it is important to let tourism
visit
your country and see your culture
because it is a good way to protect the culture
.Submitted by bcynfn159 on
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task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, but the development of ideas can be more comprehensive. Try to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint, making sure to delve deeper into the reasoning behind why some people believe culture is ruined by tourism, while others see it as protective.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, the paragraphs could have better transitions between ideas. Work on enhancing the flow of the essay by using transitional phrases to link paragraphs and ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, each paragraph should have a clear main idea supported by coherent arguments and examples. The essay could benefit from having more specific and detailed examples to substantiate the main points, especially in discussing how tourism might protect culture rather than merely stating it does so with funding.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively includes an introduction and conclusion, which guide the reader through the main arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay follows the task by addressing both perspectives on the issue before offering a personal opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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