IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #salary #company #work #atmosphere #points
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In my opinion, both factors are important, which one is more important I do not know. From my point of
viev
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view
, perspective at work is the most important issue,
good
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a good
show examples
 working
atmosphere
it
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apply
show examples
is just a benefit. I will try to explain my opinion.
Firstly
,
working
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the working
show examples
atmosphere
 can change because some
your
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apply
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of your coworkers can change the job and leave
this
 company, so it is not something permanent. Based on my working experience, at the
begining
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beginning
 sometimes it seems that
working
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the working
show examples
atmosphere
 is not
pleasent
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pleasant
 and does not match your expectations, but over time I
notise
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notice
noticed
 that all of us
start
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started
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 to find a common language and
common
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a common
show examples
aprouch
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approach
 to each other.
Secondly
, about
salary
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salary,
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 it is always a huge motivation in any
proffesion
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profession
 and job
posinion
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position
positions
, but not only that because if it is the same salary
during
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for
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 a long time
then
 it is not so good and it does not
motivated
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motivate
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 you
enymore
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anymore
. So, if choose one of that factors money or
atmosphere
 I would choose money, because it is something long-term and what is more
benefisial
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beneficial
. I would say, that on the same
level
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level,
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 both
of
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apply
show examples
factors are important at some point, but not the most important as I mentioned before. In conclusion, I can say for sure, that my answer is correct
and
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apply
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I gave enough reasons and examples
why
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of why
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 I think so and I explained my opinion in a clear way.
Submitted by artems9802 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents both viewpoints before stating your own opinion. This will help reinforce a balanced discussion and provide a clearer starting point for the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve overall cohesion. You can use linking phrases like 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', and 'However'.
Task Achievement
Strengthen your argument by providing specific examples. This will enhance the relevance and persuasiveness of your essay, ultimately improving the task achievement score.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion and the rationale behind it, which is essential for cohesion and the completion of the response.
Task Achievement
You have successfully discussed both viewpoints, showing an understanding of the task and meeting the basic requirements of task response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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