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Band 5

Some believe that it is parents who should teach their children to recycle waste while others feel schools are more responsible. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#believe #parents #children #waste #schools
Nowadays, waste recycling has become a very important matter in the community, and teaching the young generation about it is necessary, especially
this
Correct word choice
since this
show examples
 problem
effects
Replace the word
affects
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
society
Change preposition
of society
show examples
.
While
 some people believe that
parents
 should teach them about that, others believe that
schools
 are more responsible. I personally think
this
 is a shared responsibility and it needs
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 from all people. On the one hand,
parents
 can set a good example for their
kids
 by recycling in front of them. That could encourage young people to follow suit and do the same thing.
Furthermore
,
parents
 could
also
 teach
kids
 the benefits of recycling and how that could affect their health.
For example
, many children enjoy listening to the stories that are told by their
parents
. So, they simply can incorporate valuable lessons about the environmental effects and the consequences of neglecting these practices
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their stories
while
 they telling them.
On the other hand
, students spend most of their time at school.
Therefore
,
schools
 can offer students rich lessons about how to recycle waste and how to encourage others to do these practices.
Moreover
,
schools
 not only can educate the
kids
 about recycling, but
also
 encourage them by making competitions and games about recycling and offering incentives or prizes for them. These extracurricular activities can enrich values and make
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 aware generation.
To conclude
,
although
schools
 have a significant effect on students,
parents
also
 have an important one
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children.
Therefore
, both of them are responsible for educating
kids
 about recycling waste and the importance of protecting the environment
Submitted by adianalmozan on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and seamlessly transitions to the next to strengthen overall flow.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to effectively illustrate points, further enriching the discussion and providing concrete context.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and presents a clear stance on shared responsibility, creating a strong foundation for the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a good flow, with a cohesive structure that is easy to follow.
task achievement
You included relevant key points about both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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