Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is argued that tariffs on junk sustenances should be levied because the health risks associated with consuming
this
kind of product are rising. Linking Words
This
essay agrees that a higher rate of money should be paid by people. Linking Words
Firstly
, some companies already increased the prices of their sugar-containing products; Linking Words
secondly
, a higher price could lower consumption.
Linking Words
To begin
with, if almost all companies paid taxes to the government for selling sugared products, the government would have a chance to invest in many significant occasions. Linking Words
Therefore
, they would be capable of ensuring tuition organised by clubs where doctors can explain how sugar destroys our organisms and help people who suffer from diseases caused by consuming oversweet meals. Obviously, it might be a reliable approach to prevent obesity and diabetes. Linking Words
For instance
, New Zealand's government always carry out lessons with teenagers in schools using collected taxes from companies in the territory of Linking Words
this
country Linking Words
whereas
in Germany the percentage of humans suffering from obesity has already decreased by 20% as most of them had problems with money.
Linking Words
Moreover
, raising prices would lower consumption humans would not like to buy sickly drinks and nutrients that are expensive because Linking Words
instead
of Linking Words
this
they can buy something healthy or have proper meals in restaurants. Addiction to sugar might be prevented in Linking Words
this
way, as sweet refreshments would soon become a luxury item, and it would only be consumed occasionally, which would be less harmful to the general public’s health. Linking Words
For instance
, the cost of organic food has proven prohibitively expensive for most individuals, and Linking Words
that is
why only a small percentage of the population buys it regularly.
In conclusion, oversweet products should be taxed at a higher rate because of the good precedent set by oversweet nutriments and the fact that the increased cost should reduce the number of sugared cookings people buy.Linking Words
Submitted by nurali_serik on
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coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are effective in presenting your stance, the introduction could be made slightly clearer by restating the topic more directly. Consider rephrasing it slightly for better clarity.
task achievement
While your essay is well-organized and effectively covers the main points, ensure that every point is directly related to the argument. For example, some examples could be more directly linked to the argument on reducing sugar consumption.
task achievement
Consider providing more examples or details to support your claims—especially relating to governmental measures' effectiveness or people's purchasing behavior. This will enhance your argument's persuasiveness and relevance.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
You have effectively presented a balanced argument on the effects of increasing sugar product prices, using examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your concluding paragraph effectively summarizes your position and reinforces the arguments presented.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?