IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is an ongoing debate about the influence of advertising. Some claim that it encourages
people
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 to buy items they do not need,
while
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 others argue that advertisements introduce useful
products
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 that can enhance our lives. I support the latter viewpoint because of the value information ads provide.
Firstly
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, advertising informs
people
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 about new
products
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 that can genuinely improve daily life.
For instance
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, innovations in technology,
such
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 as energy-efficient appliances or health gadgets, are often unknown to the general public until they are advertised. These
products
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, when discovered through ads, can make a significant difference in terms of convenience and sustainability. Without
such
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 exposure, many would miss out on the opportunity to incorporate time-saving or eco-friendly
products
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 into their routine. A practical example of
this
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 is the promotion of solar panels, which not only reduces electricity bills but
also
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 benefits the environment by reducing carbon footprints.
Secondly
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, advertisements help
consumers
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 make educated choices.
While
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 some
products
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 may not be essential, ads allow
people
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 to evaluate various options before making a purchase.
For example
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, the promotion of organic or eco-friendly alternatives helps raise awareness about healthier and more sustainable lifestyles, offering
consumers
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 the opportunity to choose
products
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 aligned with their values.
Moreover
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, competitive advertising gives
consumers
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 the chance to compare features, prices, and reviews of similar items, ensuring they get the best value for their money. In conclusion,
although
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 advertisements can sometimes lead to unnecessary purchases, their primary function is to inform
consumers
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 about
products
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 that could improve their lives. By being mindful of what is truly needed,
people
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 can benefit from the valuable information that advertising provides, making better decisions in a complex market.

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task achievement
Ensure all points are explicitly aligned with the central argument. For instance, while you mention environmental benefits, be sure to consistently tie this back to how advertising informs people. This makes the argument more compelling.
conclusion
Consider further developing the conclusion to stress the importance of consumer awareness and how that can be enhanced by paying attention to advertisements. This reinforces the main argument effectively.
coherence
Try to avoid using repetitive phrases. Using a varied vocabulary not only keeps the reader engaged but also shows a higher level of language proficiency.
introduction
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and outlines your viewpoint effectively, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples that support your argument well, particularly the analysis of solar panels as a beneficial product.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structuring of the essay supports your arguments well and guides the reader smoothly from one point to another.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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