Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

#people #parents #children #part #group #activities #time #imp

There are conflicting outlooks regarding whether parents should stimulate their children to join team activities or keep occupy themselves in their free time.

This

essay will explore the positive and negative sides and will eventually provide a viewpoint.

Firstly

, Parents believe that their son or daughter involved in group activities may have identified that their child will learn communication skills which could be one of the primary skills in personality development.

As a result

this

will assist them in not becoming socially nervous in front of large crowds or gatherings.

For instance

, there are a lot of dance classes organized for children.

Therefore

This

will help them to not only learn dance.

Moreover

, made new friends and gained the knowledge shared by others.

However

, they should not become too dependent on their friends to learn new skills.

In addition

, it could happen that a child gets a habit of learning new things with a group only.

Secondly

, Others accept that their son or daughter should know how to keep themselves busy.

This

is because their lives where they can be alone. If they do not know how to manage aloneness, they might eventually end up having mental problems.

Therefore

, Parents should teach their children to become emotionally strong when they are alone.

As a result

, the child knows how to strongest independently in all kinds of situations. In conclusion, Joining group activities will help them come out of social tension and learning to live alone will help them to adapt independently in difficult situations. In my opinion, both ways will help them to develop their personality well.

Submitted by agdanush on Sun Jun 09 2024

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task achievement

Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. The points presented are good, but they could benefit from further elaboration and specific examples.

coherence cohesion

Improve the logical flow of the essay. Some parts felt slightly disjointed, particularly in the transition between sentences within the same paragraph. Try using more cohesive devices.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear framework for the essay.

task achievement

You have successfully addressed both views in the essay, and the task response covers all necessary points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

267 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cooperation
communication
teamwork
structured activities
belonging
enriching environment
self-reliant
imagination
creativity
overprogramming
spontaneity
unstructured time

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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Do you agree or this disagree with the following statement: “ Children should begin learning a foreign language as soon as they start school. “ ?

Some people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others say that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this hapenning? Do you think this is an approriate use of government money?

Some people think it is better for children to being to learn a foreign language at primary school than at secondary school. What’s your opinion? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?