Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is imp for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give opinion.

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There are conflicting outlooks regarding whether parents should stimulate their children to join team activities or keep occupy themselves in their free time.
This
essay will explore the positive and negative sides and will eventually provide a viewpoint.
Firstly
, Parents believe that their son or daughter involved in group activities may have identified that their child will learn communication skills which could be one of the primary skills in personality development.
As a result
,
this
will assist them in not becoming socially nervous in front of large crowds or gatherings.
For instance
, there are a lot of dance classes organized for children.
Therefore
,
This
will help them to not only learn dance.
Moreover
, made new friends and gained the knowledge shared by others.
However
, they should not become too dependent on their friends to learn new skills.
In addition
, it could happen that a child gets a habit of learning new things with a group only.
Secondly
, Others accept that their son or daughter should know how to keep themselves busy.
This
is because their lives where they can be alone. If they do not know how to manage aloneness, they might eventually end up having mental problems.
Therefore
, Parents should teach their children to become emotionally strong when they are alone.
As a result
, the child knows how to strongest independently in all kinds of situations. In conclusion, Joining group activities will help them come out of social tension and learning to live alone will help them to adapt independently in difficult situations. In my opinion, both ways will help them to develop their personality well.
Submitted by agdanush on

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task achievement
Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive. The points presented are good, but they could benefit from further elaboration and specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay. Some parts felt slightly disjointed, particularly in the transition between sentences within the same paragraph. Try using more cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear framework for the essay.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both views in the essay, and the task response covers all necessary points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • structured activities
  • belonging
  • enriching environment
  • self-reliant
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • overprogramming
  • spontaneity
  • unstructured time
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