IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is often argued that the best aspect of being affluent is that you can take part in charity activities and extend help to the indigents. Whilst there are so many advocates for
this
Linking Words
 idea, I am completely set against it. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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people
Use synonyms
 should be considered only about their own lives. In
this
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 essay, I will express my reasons in detail.
To begin
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, as long as one has thrived for things they own, they
don
Correct your spelling
do
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 not have to feel guilty about the misery of others.
For instance
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, there are so many
people
Use synonyms
 around the world that are facing the
consequnces
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of them being
idol
Fix the agreement mistake
idols
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 in the past
while
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 at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 the
people
Use synonyms
 who are prosperous now
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 making an effort to build a future for themselves.
Moreover
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, extending help to the indigents may make them accustomed to getting by with the money from
a
Change the article
an
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 external resource. What is more, I think there are many other benefits
for
Change preposition
of
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 wealth that are way superior to the chance of being benevolent.
For example
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, rich
people
Use synonyms
 can have access to better education. They are able to make use of entertainment facilities that poor
people
Use synonyms
 can only dream of.
Thus
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 helping others is not much of a pleasure in comparison to things they can do with their affluence. In conclusion, for a rich person, charity
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 can not be of high importance as it is not their responsibility to rescue others out of their misery and
also
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 there are many other options that they can spend their money
in
Change preposition
on
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such
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 as entertainment or education.

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task achievement
It's important to acknowledge the nuances of the question and address multiple perspectives or potential counterarguments for a more balanced discussion.
task achievement
Provide additional examples or evidence to support your main points more robustly and persuasively.
coherence cohesion
Work on using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow and connectivity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Avoid overusing certain phrases (e.g., 'for example', 'for instance') to ensure varied sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, enhancing readability.
task achievement
The writer demonstrates a clear stance on the issue, which is maintained throughout the essay.
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