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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behavior
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In various regions around the world,
schools
 face significant obstacles related to student
behaviour
.
While
 numerous problems contribute to these
issues
, several solutions may be the answers to cope with them.
This
 essay will examine the underlying problems and propose effective solutions in order to mitigate them. To commence, several underlying
issues
 contribute to students' inappropriate
behaviour
 in educational settings. First and foremost, today’s
children
 are frequently contaminated by unethical
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 in mass media,
such
 as television or other digital platforms, exposing
children
 to detrimental
behaviour
.
For instance
,
children
 often consume violent or action movies, which inspires them to do aggressive acts in school.
Moreover
,
children
 usually enjoy an excessive amount of leisure time, as school occupies only half of their daily schedule.
Therefore
, if their free time is not utilized to do productive
activities
, it leads to negative
behaviour
, as
children
 have considerable energy to spend.
Conversely
, despite challenges contributing to student
behaviour
, some practical solutions can effectively address these
issues
. One effective strategy is for
schools
 to promote extracurricular
activities
such
 as football, basketball, or music education, encouraging
children
 to spend their energy on constructive
activities
.
As a result
,
children
 are less likely to engage in negative
activities
, as their energy is drained for
such
 extracurricular
activities
.
Additionally
,
schools
 can
also
 provide personal development education
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their curriculum. By adding
this
 subject,
schools
 can teach their students
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to behave and act wisely against negative
behaviour
, fostering students’ character development. To encapsulate,
although
issues
 in students'
behaviour
 are caused by harmful media content and lack of students’ productive
activities
, promoting extracurricular
activities
 and teaching
children
 about ethical character can be the answers. Through these efforts, I believe that we can pave the way for a more successful generation in the future.
Submitted by rasendrya.hafiz on

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task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed and supported with clear examples. While the essay covers the main issues and solutions, providing more specific examples or detailed scenarios can strengthen the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider making smooth transitions between ideas to enhance the flow. Linking words and phrases can help maintain logical consistency through the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both causes and solutions, maintaining a clear focus on problem-solving.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points, creating a structured discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental guidance
  • discipline
  • moral guidance
  • social media
  • detrimental
  • bullying
  • peer pressure
  • overcrowded
  • disengagement
  • disruptive behavior
  • behavioral policies
  • code of conduct
  • parental involvement
  • social and emotional learning (SEL)
  • empathy
  • responsible decisions
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