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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, the number of people choosing to live alone is increasing. What are the causes of this trend? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is thought that nowadays a high volume of individuals tend to live in their own place rather than living with their nuclear families. Increasing use of technology and self-reliance are the main factors for
this
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 trend. Personally, I wholeheartedly believe it is impractical. There are many causes behind the eagerness of
people
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 to live alone. The most compelling one is that they tend to do their duties on their own
instead
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 of depending on their family. When
people
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 live alone, they should take account of their bills and domestic house chores and
this
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 results in being less impulsive in their expenditure and thinking twice before purchasing their desires. Another potential reason for the above is their excessive exposure to social media. Since technology plays a leading role in our lives,
people
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 start to mimic things that they are exposed to daily on social media.
For example
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, if celebrities encourage their followers to have their own places to gain a high level of fulfilling lives and satisfaction, they may be attracted to their speech. Many reasons are worth considering for why I think
this
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 development has many downsides. In the first place, when living alone,
people
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 may isolate themselves at home and
this
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 leads to many mental diseases
such
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 as depression and anxiety. Indeed, everyone needs a person in their life to support them in the time of bereavement which raises the level of self-esteem.
Secondly
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, In today’s capitalist world,
people
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 need to protect their traditions from disappearing. Indeed, one of them is eating dinner together and living with their extended family. With
this
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 development,all these cultural traditions may fade away. In conclusion,
however
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,
this
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 situation offers some merits
such
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 as self-reliance. I strongly believe that
this
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 trend has many disadvantages as it increases mental health problems and
also
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 affects the disappearance of many customs.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure to elaborate more on the main points and provide clearer topic sentences to guide the reader.
task achievement
Enhance the specificity of your examples to strengthen your arguments and relate back to the main point more clearly.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of linking words and phrases, which helps the flow of ideas.
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