IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A friend wants to get some information about an elementary school where one of your cousins studies. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter, •say why this school is a good elementary school •mention how expensive it is • explain why your friend should get his/her child admitted there

#friend #information #school #cousins #studies #•say #•mention #child
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Dear Ifeoma, I hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you well. I am writing in response to your inquiry
last
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 week, about Abest primary school which Ebenezer my cousin currently attends. One benefit of enrolling your son there is that they have professional teachers,
however
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, it is quite costly. They would help nurture any potential skills your child has.
To begin
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 with, all their class teachers hold a master’s degree in education.
Therefore
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, are the best qualified with the skills to tutor a young mind.
Moreover
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, the students are given homework daily, which keeps them busy at home. Unfortunately, the school fees are on the high side when compared to other elementary schools within the neighbourhood. Which is obviously
due to
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 the quality of services they offer. Regardless of the high cost, they are your best bet, as the school's educational curriculum covers all the basic subjects,
as well as
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 they would harness every potential talent your son has.
For instance
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, could you believe they offer Python coding? Would explain
further
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 at our gym class next week. Have a great week ahead. Best Wishes, Ebere.
Submitted by Eby on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your score on task achievement, ensure you expand on each point you make with more detailed explanations or examples. For instance, you could elaborate on why the school being expensive is justified by the quality of education and facilities provided.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your letter is well-structured, and ideas are logically organized. To improve further, you can use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more seamlessly. For example, instead of simply stating 'Moreover,' you might say 'Additionally,' or 'Furthermore,' to add variety.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • innovative teaching methods
  • state-of-the-art
  • accolades
  • pedagogy
  • tuition fees
  • cost-effective
  • investment in education
  • diverse learning environment
  • prospective students
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