It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is believed that people, even young individuals, should save some
money
for the future
. I mostly agree with this
notion for several reasons which will be discussed in this
essay.
The future
has always been an unknown realm, making us worry about it all the time. Saving money
can provide us with a sense of financial security in unexpected situations that may occur in the future
. In other words
, bad things always happen, and saved money
can be remarkably useful in hard ups. For example
, sometimes we might lose our job and fail to find another one. Additionally
, we might experience a severe illness or health problem which
its treatment needs so much Change preposition
in which
money
. The money
we saved
can help us in these conditions. Wrong verb form
save
Moreover
, saving money
prevents us from asking others for financial help, which can negatively affect our confidence and self-esteem.
However
, there is a fine line between saving too much money
and saving a proper amount of our income. Although
accumulating money
is beneficial, saving too much money
and spending a very small amount of our income can be regarded as a bad habit. Some people use to save the lion's share of their salary and spending
a few on the improvement of their current life. Wrong verb form
spend
For example
, some individuals live unhappily in a very small house with very old-fashioned furniture. They are not satisfied with the quality of their lives but keep saving too much money
instead
of allocating a part of it to changing their unsatisfactory and annoying condition.
In conclusion, putting some money
aside for the future
is a positive action, as it helps us be financially secure in unforeseen situations and prevents us from borrowing money
from others which may have a negative impact on our confidence. However
, it is important to avoid saving too much money
while
we need it Correct word choice
when
for enhancing
our poor quality of life like bad accommodation.Change preposition
to enhance
Submitted by ava.saljoughi on
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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure by using more connecting phrases to better link ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Reexamine the opening sentence of the second paragraph to improve clarity and reader engagement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
Good use of examples, particularly in discussing the consequences of saving practices on personal life.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well supported and explained.